mike

the lemur situation...

echolan@narisma.nu — Mon, 26 Nov 2001 03:52:25 GMT

one day i'll explain this, but for now... read this (a convo between me and lemur's best friend):

piccoloMRGRT: hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
AranElus: hmmm
piccoloMRGRT: what
AranElus: partha is convinced that lemur has a very good reason for being the way she is
piccoloMRGRT: i hear prt is trying to settle this
piccoloMRGRT: yes
piccoloMRGRT: he told me
piccoloMRGRT: i mean i know she's not ready or whatever
piccoloMRGRT: but i think maybe u guys should hang out within a group of ppl
AranElus: yes
AranElus: that's a good idea
AranElus: that's what i originally wanted to do
AranElus: unfortunately, she impressed me so much that i couldn't resist being stupid
piccoloMRGRT: awwwwwww
piccoloMRGRT: welllllllllllllll
piccoloMRGRT: u gotta understand that she thinks she's not ready for a relationship
piccoloMRGRT: so maybe she's not
piccoloMRGRT: but she should def hang out with u
AranElus: hehe
piccoloMRGRT: yeah
piccoloMRGRT: thats my opinion
AranElus: well, we should convince her into growing up a little anyway
piccoloMRGRT: ok, but if she doesnt want to, we can't force her
AranElus: i won't
AranElus: it's a shame
piccoloMRGRT: yeah
piccoloMRGRT: i know
AranElus: i can fall out of like with her given a week
piccoloMRGRT: she'll grow up in time
AranElus: i'm sure
piccoloMRGRT: i have no idea when
AranElus: good
AranElus: well
AranElus: hmmmmmm
piccoloMRGRT: hmmm
AranElus: yeah.. let's get us to hang out more...
AranElus: she doesn't want me to talk to her in person, though
piccoloMRGRT: i know
piccoloMRGRT: but she should
AranElus: rephrase that
AranElus: it is unclear
piccoloMRGRT: haha
piccoloMRGRT: she should talk to u in person
piccoloMRGRT: in order to determine whether...
piccoloMRGRT: nm
AranElus: not nm.... keep going
piccoloMRGRT: oh
piccoloMRGRT: well she should talk to u in person to determine if she maybe COULD like u, or at least want to hang out with u
piccoloMRGRT: .........
AranElus: yeah
AranElus: that makes sense
AranElus: sorry that it takes me some time to respond.. i'm doing something..
piccoloMRGRT: yup
piccoloMRGRT: ok
AranElus: keep talking though, i'm paying attention
piccoloMRGRT: haha
piccoloMRGRT signed off at 9:25:22 PM.
piccoloMRGRT signed on at 9:25:58 PM.
AranElus: do you think that lemur may have suppressed memories?
piccoloMRGRT: huh?
piccoloMRGRT: explain yourself
AranElus: maybe something terrible happened with her parents when she was young that made her not want to grow up and turn into what they were
piccoloMRGRT: hmmm
piccoloMRGRT: somehow i doubt that
AranElus: it's not normal to be like how she is
AranElus: to be that stubborn about something
AranElus: there has to be some reason
piccoloMRGRT: shes stubborn about everything
piccoloMRGRT: its just her
AranElus: i'm having my doubts as to if she will actually go out with me ever
AranElus: severe doubts
piccoloMRGRT: yeah
piccoloMRGRT: i am having severe doubts as to if she will actually go out with ANYONE ever
piccoloMRGRT: hehe
AranElus: i'm beginning to think that this entire thing is a big mistake
AranElus: that we shouldn't try to even get us hanging out with each other
piccoloMRGRT: hmm
piccoloMRGRT: yeah
piccoloMRGRT: i know what u mean
piccoloMRGRT: but i dunno
AranElus: i want to help her
AranElus: though
AranElus: help her grow up...
piccoloMRGRT: yea
piccoloMRGRT: *sigh* it shall happen eventually
AranElus: i think that she thinks that if she grows up, she will be changed
AranElus: but, look at me!
AranElus: i've grownup
AranElus: and i'm still insane
AranElus: i'm still different
piccoloMRGRT: yes i know what u mean
piccoloMRGRT: lol
piccoloMRGRT: so am i!
piccoloMRGRT: haha
AranElus: but we've grown up!
piccoloMRGRT: i'm the one everyone knows as psychotic
piccoloMRGRT: still
AranElus: i think this is our strongest arguement
piccoloMRGRT: yes
piccoloMRGRT: def
AranElus: you don't have to act grown up to be grown up
piccoloMRGRT: true very true
AranElus: i think that lemur has grown up
AranElus: but she's afraid to admit it
AranElus: and this entire thing is a big play to try and convince herself she hasn't
AranElus: kind of like her last thread of hope
AranElus: do you think that idea holds water?
AranElus: (not literally)
piccoloMRGRT: haha
piccoloMRGRT: perhaps
piccoloMRGRT: i mean it makes sense
piccoloMRGRT: but i don't know if it applies to this
piccoloMRGRT: but it could
AranElus: you know lemur thousands of times better than i do
AranElus: hmmm
piccoloMRGRT: hehe
AranElus: this is weird...
AranElus: i just want to help her now
piccoloMRGRT: aww
AranElus: not as much go out with her
AranElus: because i don't htink that will happen
piccoloMRGRT: omg, u are so nice
piccoloMRGRT: haha
AranElus: there's a time where a man must bend
piccoloMRGRT: but the thing is, before this whole thing, i wouldn't have thought, O, lemur needs to grow up
AranElus: yeah
piccoloMRGRT: she was just lemur
piccoloMRGRT: she still is
AranElus: she probably is grown up in everything else but this
AranElus: that's why it didn't glare at you that she was a child
piccoloMRGRT: oooooh
piccoloMRGRT: deep
AranElus: i mean, for god's sakes, its not like i'm asking her to marry me!
piccoloMRGRT: i know
piccoloMRGRT: *sigh*
AranElus: and i was just going to make up the rules as i went along
piccoloMRGRT: i told her, i know how u feel, its hard to imagine yourself going out with someone
AranElus: if she said yes to go out with me
AranElus: hee
AranElus: hehe
piccoloMRGRT: and she was like, YES i can't imagine it
piccoloMRGRT: i know exactly where she is coming from
AranElus: i can't imagine someone going out with me either
AranElus: hehe
piccoloMRGRT: yea
piccoloMRGRT: so u just have to try and see what happens
AranElus: but that is what makes it fun and exciting
AranElus: it's different from Alex and Carrie.. they are just like "blah blah blah"
AranElus: you can predict it
AranElus: but with me, no one knows
AranElus: not even i do
piccoloMRGRT: hahaha
piccoloMRGRT: caralex have known eachother forever, and liked each other for a long time, and it was just like it HAD to happen
AranElus: that's why i think lemur would enjoy going out with me
AranElus: because it would be random
AranElus: and interesting
AranElus: it'd be like being her best friend
AranElus: more than going out with her
piccoloMRGRT: yeah
piccoloMRGRT: cuz u guys are both so random
piccoloMRGRT: but she is SO shy
AranElus: hehe
AranElus: much like alex
AranElus: shy and childish
piccoloMRGRT: did u know that she like never talked until she met me?
AranElus: yeah
AranElus: she told me
piccoloMRGRT: haha
piccoloMRGRT: same with crisp, she was never like she is now
piccoloMRGRT: I DROVE THEM ALL INSANE
piccoloMRGRT: mwahahahaha
AranElus: hehe
AranElus: who is crisp?
piccoloMRGRT: christy
AranElus: ahh
piccoloMRGRT: yang-bopp
AranElus: hehe
AranElus: that 'bopp' joke is so damn old
piccoloMRGRT: haha do u even know how it started
AranElus: three years ago
piccoloMRGRT: nooooo
AranElus: hehe
AranElus: before then?
AranElus: actually, four years
piccoloMRGRT: i started calling hales Hale-Bopp after the comet
piccoloMRGRT: WHAT
AranElus: no!
piccoloMRGRT: YES
AranElus: i started calling him that!
piccoloMRGRT: NO WAY
piccoloMRGRT: u cant' be serious!
AranElus: 7th grade for me
piccoloMRGRT: WOW
piccoloMRGRT: OMG
AranElus: four years ago
piccoloMRGRT: i just started this yr
AranElus: i beat you!
AranElus: bwahahahah!
piccoloMRGRT: i thought i made it up
AranElus: well you didn't!
piccoloMRGRT: but i was wrong
AranElus: so there!
piccoloMRGRT: HAHAHAH
AranElus: now that is weird
piccoloMRGRT: well, i did, in a sense, cuz i hadn't heard it before
piccoloMRGRT: but u thought of it first
piccoloMRGRT: lol
AranElus: it is mine:-)
AranElus: but i allow you to use it
piccoloMRGRT: =-Oi'll stare u down
piccoloMRGRT: lol
AranElus: because you are helping me
piccoloMRGRT: so then hales started calling be BrinkerBopp
AranElus: it is a pay-off
piccoloMRGRT: hehe
AranElus: hehe
piccoloMRGRT: gee thanx
piccoloMRGRT: lol
AranElus: np
AranElus: is OAC still going to happen?
piccoloMRGRT: i don't know anymore
AranElus: i think we should try
AranElus: just to learn about the root of this strange entity
piccoloMRGRT: yeah
piccoloMRGRT: we'll see what happens this week
AranElus: yeah
piccoloMRGRT: if we find out info
AranElus: i doubt i'm gong to find anything out due to my nature of being a 'ridiculously casual friend'
AranElus: to lemur
AranElus: so... you will be finding info, part will be finding info
AranElus: i will be wondering what in hell is happening
piccoloMRGRT: yeah
piccoloMRGRT: i'll try to talk to her
piccoloMRGRT: she has been saying she can't think about it anymore
AranElus: her and the word 'can't'!
AranElus: i want to punch her
piccoloMRGRT: hehe
AranElus: it's ridiculous
piccoloMRGRT: i g2g
AranElus: she's convincing herself she can't
AranElus: alright
AranElus: damn you
piccoloMRGRT: haha
AranElus: right when it's getting interesting
piccoloMRGRT: lol
AranElus: you shal lbe flogged
piccoloMRGRT: i'll ttyl
AranElus: after your done helping me
AranElus: hehe
piccoloMRGRT: hehe
piccoloMRGRT: bye!
AranElus: bye
AranElus: good luck with lemur
piccoloMRGRT signed off at 9:58:50 PM.

oh my...

echolan@narisma.nu — Sun, 18 Nov 2001 05:31:19 GMT

jess lehman is... amazing.. i'm completely taken by her. It's so odd, she's cured my carrie-problem but she has made me like her in the process. At least it works with her so the more i learn about her the more i like her, whereas it turned out to be the more i learned about carrie, the less i wanted to like her but the more i actually did like her...

anyhow:

AranElus: sorry
AranElus: computer spazzed
beatlemania77: is ok
AranElus: well, the point is...
beatlemania77: yeah
AranElus: i guess you are one of the coolest girls i've ever met
AranElus: you are different and weird in all of the right ways
beatlemania77: hehe
AranElus: you aren't completely quirked out like Alex, but your not completely predictable either
AranElus: and that makes you very cool
beatlemania77: kewl
AranElus: i don't know what you think of me...
AranElus: and i don't know if i'll ever know
AranElus: but now you know what i think of you...
beatlemania77: yeah
AranElus: and.. well... this probably has made you either very comfortable with me or very uncomfortable with me
AranElus: but i felt the truth should be known
beatlemania77: hehe
AranElus: does any of what i've told you bother you?
AranElus: tell the truth now...
beatlemania77: not particularly
AranElus: good
AranElus: because i don't plan on lieing to you...
AranElus: ever
beatlemania77: ok
beatlemania77: thats good
AranElus: now that i've given you a ridiculous amount of power over me...
AranElus: i don't know what to say
beatlemania77: hehe
beatlemania77: me neither
AranElus: hmmm
AranElus: what i'm ultimately working towards is asking you out...
AranElus: i'm not asking you know
AranElus: and i may not ask you for a few weeks
AranElus: but now you know the future
beatlemania77: ok
AranElus: hopefully you won't use it against me
beatlemania77: use it against u?
AranElus: i don't know how you might
AranElus: but it's possible
beatlemania77: i dunno either
AranElus: this is all so weird
beatlemania77: what is?
AranElus: this all just doesn't seem real...
AranElus: i don't know why...
beatlemania77: hehe
AranElus: i didn't think i'd find someone like you until i got into colledge
beatlemania77: hehe
AranElus: whats cool about us is that we don't know each others past problems and what each othe rused to be like
AranElus: so we can just know who we each are
beatlemania77: yeah
AranElus: thank you for saying 'hi' to me last weekend
AranElus: i owe you greatly for doing that
beatlemania77: hehe
AranElus: you have changed so much... heh
beatlemania77: np
beatlemania77: how so?
AranElus: you yourself haven't changed
AranElus: i mean
AranElus: you have changed so much of me
beatlemania77: ok
AranElus: tell me the truth, am i weirding you out?
beatlemania77: no
beatlemania77: you are not weirding me out
AranElus: at all?
beatlemania77: nope
beatlemania77: not at all whatsoever
AranElus: does it make you feel worse about me or better?
beatlemania77: what
AranElus: never mind that question
beatlemania77: ok
AranElus: i just feel as if i've added a serious note that you may not wnat
beatlemania77: not particularly
AranElus: i'm surprised that you sat through all of the what i've told you and not once said "are you sure you aren't out of your mind?"
beatlemania77: hehe
beatlemania77: brb
beatlemania77: back
AranElus: k
beatlemania77: hi
AranElus: yeah
beatlemania77: my mom is spazzing
beatlemania77: i gtg
AranElus: about what?
beatlemania77: i dunno
AranElus: hehe
AranElus: alright, i'll cya tommorrow?
beatlemania77: shes like bla bla get in bed yur gunna sleep late
beatlemania77: yeah
beatlemania77: most likely
beatlemania77: bye bye
AranElus: cool
AranElus: cya
AranElus: sleep is good, anyhow :D
beatlemania77: hhe
beatlemania77: yeah
beatlemania77: bye
AranElus: bye

happiness is a fish that i can't catch

echolan@narisma.nu — Sun, 07 Oct 2001 15:44:56 GMT

AranElus: have you told carrie/does she know that i'm 'over' her?
pHiShGiRl001: dunno...she probably does not care
AranElus: good
AranElus: i'd like to start being friends with alex again...
pHiShGiRl001: she is too happy about alex for anything to be meaningful anymore
AranElus: cool
AranElus: i figured that
AranElus: looks like i did a good job =P
AranElus: i'm happy that she's happy, but i don't know about alex
AranElus: who knows what he thinks
AranElus: i've been friends with him too long to take his appearances seriously
pHiShGiRl001: i know what you mean
pHiShGiRl001: but he seems pretty happy with this
AranElus: i told him its great to have a girlfriend
AranElus: hehe
AranElus: i guess i have been proven right
pHiShGiRl001: well...its been so long for you, how can you remeber? hehe j/k
AranElus: i've had friends that had girlfriends
pHiShGiRl001: you know better than most people it is not alwyas a picnic
AranElus: yeah
AranElus: hehe
pHiShGiRl001: j/k? ya see that? means i am kidding
AranElus: i know
pHiShGiRl001: spokey dokey
pHiShGiRl001: but seriously, how are you feeling?
AranElus: well, i'll be there to pick up the pieces when they break up, but i'm not going to do anything regarding them until then
pHiShGiRl001: i dont really think that they will be breaking up
AranElus: who knows
AranElus: alex may do something outstandingly stupid and out of character
AranElus: he's done that before many times
pHiShGiRl001: what do you know that we don't?
pHiShGiRl001: spill it, come on, come on
AranElus: i've been alex's best friend for 5 or so years
AranElus: i know how he acts
AranElus: sooner or later, she's going to get bored of his antics
AranElus: i did
pHiShGiRl001: i have known carrie for quite some time
pHiShGiRl001: she really likes him
AranElus: she really likes him now
pHiShGiRl001: and she and you are not the same person
AranElus: i know
pHiShGiRl001: she has for a while
AranElus: i'm not talking about the pst
AranElus: *past
AranElus: i'm talking about the future
AranElus: do they kiss and crap outside of school?
AranElus: i haven't seen them even touch each other more than once.
pHiShGiRl001: yes, and she is completely faithful to anything she beleives in...and she completely beleives in alex
AranElus: well, obviously
pHiShGiRl001: they don't want to do stuff in public. they are taking it nice and slow
AranElus: hehe
pHiShGiRl001: what
AranElus: alex is the immovable object and carrie is the irresistable force
AranElus: no matter how much he lags, she likes him too much to let that affect her
pHiShGiRl001: what are you talking about
AranElus: arg
pHiShGiRl001: what do you mean, he lags?
AranElus: it is my opinion that alex has no idea how to be a 'boyfriend' because he has shut that side of life off for his enitre life
AranElus: so he treats carrie like his best friend
pHiShGiRl001: he has other friends!
AranElus: i know
pHiShGiRl001: and you don't just know how to be a boyfriend
pHiShGiRl001: it comes with learinign
AranElus: i know
pHiShGiRl001: and he is doing that
AranElus: hehe
pHiShGiRl001: can we change the subject please
AranElus: alright
AranElus: but there isn't anything else interesting to talk about
AranElus: i'd like to know what's going on, but i don't want to ask alex
pHiShGiRl001: yes there is
pHiShGiRl001: wait, wait: you still like her, dont you? and dont lie to me
AranElus: hah... it's called "my best friend has got a girlfriend and acts weird around me and doesn't hang out with me, so i'd like to know what's going on"
AranElus: it has nothing to do with her
pHiShGiRl001: right. okay. but beleive me, that is how things work
AranElus: hehe
AranElus: Alex wouldn't tell me anything if i asked him, anyway
pHiShGiRl001 signed off at 11:32:11 AM.
pHiShGiRl001 signed on at 11:32:17 AM.
pHiShGiRl001: sry
pHiShGiRl001: got kiked off
AranElus: let me clarify: I still find carrie attractive, i just don't want to be anything past a casual friend to her
AranElus: np
pHiShGiRl001: kay
AranElus: do you understand that?
pHiShGiRl001: yes
pHiShGiRl001: god
pHiShGiRl001: dont act like i am so stupid!
AranElus: i don't like being so unfomfortable all the time
AranElus: since she is in all of my classes
AranElus: besides 2
pHiShGiRl001: okay
AranElus: i'd like to iron this whole situation out
pHiShGiRl001: listen, i am sorry. that was out of line.
AranElus: i haven't said anything to her in like 4 months
AranElus: and i'd like to at least be able to talk to her every once in a while
pHiShGiRl001: okay
pHiShGiRl001: listen, that is not someting i have any control over
pHiShGiRl001: you gotta talk to her...if you want to
AranElus: do you think she'll have a negative reaction?
pHiShGiRl001: i dont know
pHiShGiRl001: everyone reacts differently to someone from their past popping up
AranElus: i'd like to make things how they should be, instead of what they are
AranElus: i.e. i can hang around alex when he's around carrie and she wouldn't have a problem
pHiShGiRl001: and what should be and what should not be
AranElus: and i wouldn't feel uncomfortable
pHiShGiRl001: but that may never happen
AranElus: it may never happen
AranElus: there is still a chance it will, though
pHiShGiRl001: yes always
pHiShGiRl001: but not a very large one
pHiShGiRl001: one little thing i gotta mention
pHiShGiRl001: i dont know if carrie will ever forgive you
AranElus: i'd like her to realize how much i've changed since that crap happened
pHiShGiRl001: i know, but she may never
pHiShGiRl001: do you want me to talk to her?
AranElus: that would be helpful
pHiShGiRl001: kay
AranElus: she has to know it's not about her anymore
AranElus: as far as i'm concerned
AranElus: it's about alex
pHiShGiRl001: okay
pHiShGiRl001: listen, i gtg
AranElus: alright, please try and talk to her.. and tell me when you do
pHiShGiRl001: but we will continue this talk another time
pHiShGiRl001: okay
pHiShGiRl001 signed off at 11:42:25 AM.

echolan@narisma.nu — Sun, 30 Sep 2001 19:37:21 GMT

AranElus: anyway...
The Guru 320: uh huh
AranElus: it's funny, because alex is an immobile object, dating wise
AranElus: carrie was with him for a month, and hadn't kissed him/gotten kissed by him yet
AranElus: hehe
AranElus: according to what my mom says, carrie asked her mom if it's ok to kiss him
The Guru 320: really?
AranElus: hehe
The Guru 320: i heard they do
The Guru 320: heh
AranElus: this was early september
AranElus: they don't kiss in public...
AranElus: heh
The Guru 320: yeah, i know
The Guru 320: actually, they show no affection whatsoever in public
AranElus: what?
AranElus: the hang out together at any possible time
The Guru 320: yes
AranElus: which makes it hard for me to hang out with alex
The Guru 320: but no real hugging and stuff like that
The Guru 320: me too
The Guru 320: hehe
AranElus: we should just hang around alex constantly
AranElus: hehe
AranElus: see what happens
AranElus: we might end up in alex and carrie's group of friends if we did that
The Guru 320: that'd be strange
The Guru 320: yeah, we should cling to him
AranElus: it'd be funny, as a social experiment
AranElus: since i don't know if carrie still thinks i have anything for her (which i don't)
AranElus: it'll be very interesting
The Guru 320: yeh
AranElus: i'd like to become friends with carrie so i can talk to her regarding al and tell her what's going on
AranElus: and what she should do
AranElus: because i've been friends with AL the longest of anyone
AranElus: and i know
AranElus: i know how to move the immobile
The Guru 320: that's true
AranElus: hell, i got them dating in the first place!
The Guru 320: yeah
AranElus: if i didn't talk to alex at that big sleepover (doing the bootcamp video), he would have never thought about going out with her
AranElus: he would have "left it as it is", which was nothing... he definitely wouldn't have ever gone out with her if it wasn't for that midnight talk
AranElus: hehe
The Guru 320: heh
AranElus: just to talk to carrie would satisfy me... i haven't said anything to her in 4 months
The Guru 320: yeah
The Guru 320: well, i've never even really spoken to her before
The Guru 320: hehe
AranElus: it pisses me off to not be able to hang out with one of my best friends because his girlfriend may have something against me
AranElus: especially because i set them up to begin with
AranElus: carrie should be thanking me =P
AranElus: well, you had no reason to ever talk to her
The Guru 320: true, true
AranElus: hmm...
AranElus: i should ask Al why he is so violent toward me now
AranElus: he used to never be violent with me, but now it seems that has changed
The Guru 320: nah, he's violent towards everyone
The Guru 320: i guess it comes along with a relationship
AranElus: he's trying to impress carrie
AranElus: or himself
AranElus: at my expense
AranElus: which isn't fun for me
AranElus: it looks as if i've created a monster
AranElus: i wonder if Al feels anything for carrie...
AranElus: or if he's just prosthetic
The Guru 320: yeah
AranElus: the only way to know would be to ask, but the chances of all telling the truth are probably smaller than his sexual desire.
AranElus: hehe
The Guru 320: heh
AranElus: you know, after really thinking about haveing carrie as a girl-friend, i can't imagine it...
AranElus: i don't know what it'd be like, at all
AranElus: of course, i'd be a great boyfriend, but how in hell would it turn out?
AranElus: what would happen?
AranElus: i have no idea
AranElus: strange thing: i'm in every one of carrie's classes (besides elective and language), and Al is in none of her classes this year
AranElus: hehe
The Guru 320: yeah, it actually is kinda hard to imagine if it all went well
The Guru 320: yeah
AranElus: hehe
The Guru 320: they run into each other in the hall with a short "hi" and a wave
AranElus: of course
AranElus: hehe
AranElus: i think i should talk to carrie some time monday or during that week
AranElus: ask bridgette if carrie know's that i'm over her first
AranElus: ... i don't want another blunder
The Guru 320: yes, that would be something to avoid
AranElus: hmm... my mom wants me to hook up with carrie, strangely enough
AranElus: everything is so messed up
The Guru 320: heh
The Guru 320: nothing's the same old thing anymore
AranElus: yeah
AranElus: one of my best friends doesn't seem to be anymore, and Partho rules...
AranElus: hehe
AranElus: *partha
AranElus: and so do you
AranElus: hehe
AranElus: but you don't have 40 million females hanging off of you at any given time
The Guru 320: lol, yeah
The Guru 320: but that's not neccessarily a bad thing... depending on who they are
AranElus: (well, brittina counts as 39,999,995)
The Guru 320: lol

The Ultimate Summation of the Entire Situation With Carrie.... although it isn't, and may never be, complete

echolan@narisma.nu — Sat, 15 Sep 2001 03:20:55 GMT

THE CARRIE MANIFESTO
(written early summer of 2001, never completed, may be continued)

A FEW WORDS TO START
Ohh carrie, you mustn't be so bind. Can't you just see the simple truths in front of you? Alex can never give you anything that you want. His own mental restrictions prevent him from even giving you any use of his sexuality and his physique. The chances of you ever even kissing him are very small, unless i have some say in it. There is no way that he will actually feel anything for you, you don't act in a way that would allow him to do so.

You act in the natural feministic way: you surround yourself with friends and laugh at things that make no sense, even to you, but you laugh anyway. You don't put any thought into what you're talking about because you have already achieved your goal: you have provided a safety net for yourself that doesn't let people who aren't liked by your friends (although, to the best of my knowledge (however limited that may be) i am) to talk to you; you stop anyone from coming up and making conversation with you without arousing the curiosity of your friends. If it wasn't for this, i may have went up to you early this year (instead of sending you that _stupid_ poem) and talked to you, and maybe even have asked you out (although, in heinsight, that would've been a terrible blunder). But you succeeded in screening out your hope at finding any type of substantial, meaningful boyfriend-ish relationship, in throwing up your barrier against me. You were misled into believing that i was stalking you because of your own gender-related psychology.

Alright, i must admit that i was rather over-the-top about you for a month and a half towards the end of the school-year; i did feel something for you, i don't know what it was. Was it love? obsession? stupidity? redirected loneliness (this is to be discussed later)? For a while there, i thought i actually loved you. Ohh, that was a terribly unfortunate blunder on my part. Even _thinking_ that should have set off a mental siren that says, "You are turning into an idiot, you must turn back now!", but no, i just continued being a stupid load of crap, being all over-romantic about you. I threw you into a terrible light: i thought of you as a beautiful (i still do think you are pretty, at least), and intelligent girl who knew what was giong on. Well, i was viciously misled in lattest of those. You hadn't the slightest idea of what was actually going on.

"THE ILLNESS"
I have referred to my past feelings for you as "the illness", "my affliction" or "my disease" for a few months now. It is _not_ because i was obssessed with you, or stalking you in a mentally ill way! You must remember this, it is extremely important that you are not misled again.

I look at my liking for you as an evil thing that led me to follow evil temptations and to fulfill them (by giving you those stupid poems, for example). For a period of time, i threw all of the blame for this on you. I "hated" you for a short timespan; maybe 2 or 3 weeks, solely because of the situation that you and i put me in to. I was cursing your name and just making myself see you in an evil light for that time. I had no idea what i was really dealing with; with "my affliction". You see, the affliction that befell me was an odd affliction. It was an affliction of emotional proportions. Such afflictions are very dangerous because emotions are dangerous, therefor the apparent danger of an afflictions of emotions shows its head. But the head that is shown is not always an ugly, battered, scarred, and repulsive head. Sometimes it is a beautifully decked out head that is very beguiling and charming. The head of emotional affliction has many faces, and more than three quarters of them appear nice. This head of many faces has very long fangs. The very long fangs have potent poison, and all of this is protected by the illusional innocence of the face, and the armor of emotion it wears. As a knight would value his armor, this head values it's emotional shielding. The emotions prevent the affliction from being noticed: in my case it was masked by the "crush" emotional tag. That tag was a great camouflage for that evil beast that lurked within the external tranquillity of the head. The beast used the "crush" tag to tighten it's grip on me. It squeezed me and squeezed me, until i was close to emotional death (i.e. becoming VERY VERY depressed), but then i came to my own rescue and vanquished the disguise of this evil creature. I had him for sure! But no, i didn't have him. He was a slippery fellow. He changed shapes and colours, and never kept the same appearance for long enough for me to identify him. I chased him for a while. I tried not to succumb to any of his cleverly placed traps. A few did get me though. Your beauty, at that moment, was one of them. Your humanity was another. And your voice was yet another. The last nail in the coffin was your name. I'd have to say, of everything about you that i ever held sacred, your name was the biggest. I could say it, and when i did, i got a weird shock of realization: you exist; you are not a dream! you are no fantasy! you are a beautiful collection of brilliance that is here, in the flesh, for me to love, and find comfort in (in the future, hopefully). My realization was clouded by a fog of vapour that the head of my affliction spouted. I stumbled around in that fog; every once in a while, when i saw you, it would clear, and i'd go slipping and sliding back down into a "crush" emotional state. It was harder to climb back up, though, because the fog was there now. After many attempts i finally made it to the top, and i could finally look down on what was happening. This is the point where i am writing this manifesto.

THE AFFLICTION
Now we shall go back to the early months of school:
I am liking you very much one night (thinking about how great it would be to be with you) and i found this song called "Closer to Believing" by Emerson, Lake, and Palmer (my fav band of all time) and as soon as i heard the lyrics i thought "ooh wow! this song is perfect for carrie!", so i went to my room (it was late), not knowing any of the words, and wrote a poem in the song's rhythm and rhyme. That poem was the one i gave to you. At that point i thought one of two things would come out of it: a. you liked me at the given time and would go up to me and tell me that you liked me, blah, blah, blah, and b. you would do what you did, but a little more expressively (not just "it was nice"). In fact, i have no idea if you even read the damn piece of garbage, but it doesn't matter now. I am quite ashamed of that poem, it was poorly contrived and i was way too optimistic when i wrote it. If i could turn back time, i would've never given it to you (and i would've made sure my parents never found a house in this town, so i wouldn't have to have put up with my stupid feelings).

Now we shall leap to the post-middle of the school year:
One fateful day i was talking with Sujoy over AIM (i told him all about how i liked you and all) and i was getting very depressed through talking about you and how foolish you seemed for not taking advantage of my liking for you. I got the ingenious idea of writing you a letter (mind you, this is at 4:30pm, so i'm pretty aware, and sane). I started writing it with no regard to the idea that you might believe that i am "stalking" you, so i kind of spilled my guts all over that horrific letter. I let all of my feelings go, but i kind of exaggerated some points to try and make it 'romantic' in a way. I showed about half of the letter to Suj and he thought it was an inspiring piece of work. I showed the same thing to my friend's girl-friend and she said, "_i_ would go out with you if you gave me that", so i was fairly encouraged, and i made myself resolute in that i'd give it to you. And so i did.
I will take a brief instant to explain that when i came up next to you in that stairwell, i felt some weird sort of exhilaration in being that close to you; just standing beside you made me almost loose my feet. I was liking you alot at the time... So anyway, i figured you'd either respond by saying that you'd talk to me or that you don't want me anywhere near your life ever again. To tell you the truth, when i read your response in Engineering Drawing i laughed out loud to the point that Sujoy had to ask me, "what's up, man?" It really hit me weird (you have beautiful script, by the way). I went home, and i was kind of depressed about the whole situation, but it wore off after a while of thinking about how i could take advantage of the future.

My plans regarding you and Alex:
after i got your response to that letter, i began to think about you and Alex. I thought (at first), "Ohh yes! Two people who are perfectly cut out for each other!". This is why i started telling you stuff about Al (although i found it amusing that i, someone who wanted you, was giving you advice on how to get together with someone you wanted). My whole Al & Carrie contingency was this: If i could get you two together nice and fast, you would both get sick of each other in a short period of time (a few months, i figured), and i could pick up the pieces with you, and you would like me for helping me get you and Al together. This was all shattered soon, though.

The worst day of the 2000-2001 school year:
The night before the day of the band trip i decided to write a poem to you: trying to jar you up a bit, and inspire you to maybe start liking me, or at least to give me a chance. The poem was specifically designed as a good-bye type of poem ("this is my last devotion", etc.), but you just freaked when you saw it. I thought when i said "this is it" you would get the idea that THIS IS IT, but you didn't. You just sat there like a complete fool and said, "ooh look, he gave me another poem when i told him to stop writing letters: HE MUST BE STALKING ME!", and started crying.
Now, let me paint a picture: i get my ohh-so-good italian hero w/ sweet peppers (yum) and i walk down that step inside marcs to be confronted by bridgette, who starts saying "Do you know what you did?!?" a couple of times, and then, after i say that i have no idea, she hits me with it, "Carrie thinks you're stalking her". Two things ran through my mind at that moment: 1. holy shit, i've ruined my life and my beloved's (well, i was head-over-heals for you at the time), and 2. poor carrie, i can't believe she's crying over something that she knows so little about. At that moment i felt genuinely sorry for you. I wanted to run into the band room and jump into a chair near you and just apologize for everything and clear away the slate. But, loe and behold, i couldn't, i just looked dumbfounded at bridgette and held myself back from crying. I then continued to fight back tears and went into the band locker room and angrily ate my sandwich, cursing your ignorance (YOU DIDN't EVEN READ THE DAMN POEM! according to bridgette), and the world in general. The rest of the day was spent trying to avoid you. I'm so sorry for putting you through that. I wish i never had given that to you. That is THE worst emotional torment i have went through in my life.

MY ILLNESS TAKES ITS COURSE
Even now i digress back to my previous stupidity. Dune has always had that effect on me. Those magnificent six books that i love so much. Ohh, they are so complex, and yet so simple; they expose so many unknown truths but divulge so many unknowns. I have two metaphors based upon those books, and they go as follows:

Metaphor A:

Hwi Noree - a brilliant and beutiful Ixian woman who was genetically engineered (in an odd way) out of the genes of her father, and former ambassador to the Lord Leto (the emporer of the known universe). She is engineered specifically to play off of the Lord Leto's major weakness: love. When she meets him, they both fall in love, against nature, and get married. She later seduces Duncan Idaho and has sex with him, something that the Lord Leto did not want.

Hwi Noree is you.

Leto Atreides (the Lord Leto, the God Emperor) - a 3,000 year old descendant of Paul Atreides, the Messiah of Dune (or Arrakis), who chooses to trade in his humanity to save humanity: he becomes a giant worm with the face of a human. The people of the million worlds that he rules treat him as a God and woship him and serve his every whim. He views himself as a 'holy obscenity'. He meets Hwi Noree and falls in love with her, against his worm body's abilities (his reproductive organs, along with the rest of his human organs have dissapeared).

the Lord Leto is Alex.

Duncan Idaho - a man who served Leto Atreides (the father of Paul Atreides), and Paul Atreides as their Swordsmaster. The Lord Leto has Duncan reproduced many times through cloning, and enjoys his company, although he is somewhat obsolete. Because of Leto's inability to have sex, Hwi seduces Duncan and fulfills her urge with him (although she is genuinely attracted to him, too, and they share a more human type of love). The Lord Leto decrees that they shall never see each other again.

Duncan Idaho is me.

Analysis:
This metaphor fits my idea of what i was going to do to attract you for that twisted scheme of mine including Alex's and your break-up. You see, because Alex has extreme inhibitions about sex (and less than that, too), and can only offer you little in the love aspect, he kind of resembles Leto, though i doubt he could ever fall in _love_ with you. Because of this, you find me, someone who is attracted to you anyway (like Duncan). In the future (according to this metaphor) you and i will fall in love...and the rest i leave up to you.

Metaphor B:

Paul "Muad'Dib" Atreides - the 'messiah' of Dune, and the Kwisatz Hadarach (a male who has the abilities of the females of the Bene Gesserit...this takes alot of explaining, but it kind of makes him a miraculous-type messiah-type figure) who has come one generation before his time. His family takes control of Dune, and then they are attacked by their arch-nemesis, the Harkonnens, with the help of the Emperor (Shaddam V) and his elite shock troops, the Sardaukar. Paul and his mother, the lady Jessica, are forced to leave the capital city of Arrakeen and try to survive. They find the fremen, the native human inhabitants of Dune, and convince them to let them live among them. In the Fremen seitch that Paul and Jessica are brought to, there is a female named Chani, who Paul has seen in a dream before. In the dream she asks him, "Tell me again about the waters of your homeworld, Muad'Dib", while they are inside of a large cavern. Paul falls in love with Chani, and she falls in love with him, they wed and live happily for some time.

I am Paul.

Chani - The daughter of Liet Kynes (the Imperial Planetologist) and a fremen women, who lives on Dune, and meets and falls in love with Paul.

You are Chani.

Analysis:
This one is noticeably much more direct. The major, and weird relation is that Chani asks Paul about the waters, and in the first dream that i had with you in it (in sixth grade), I saw you in a pool-type thing. This one also tells of us getting together at one point.

THE ILLNESS IN THE EYES OF A BAD DOCTOR
I pity the fools who disillusion themselves with sex. They use it with 'love' in a rather pitiful and ugly way. They think that sex has something to do with love. Ohh no it does not. The sheer stupidity of the people who think sex and love go in the same breath are fools. You must understand, though, that the love of which i talk is love between yourself and one who isn't a blood relative. I'm talking about the love of a man and a woman that bonds them together out of nothing for no obvious reason on occasion.

Love is essentially the need for someone's presence. The addiction to someone else that manifests itself in the forms of kissing, touching, hugging, etc. You may read this and find it repulsive. "Addiction" you say, with venom in your voice, "How can he say that something as beautiful of love is an 'addiction'? He is either a genious, or an absolute inadept." I assure you, i am the earlier, not the latter. I may also say that love is unnecessary and misleading. Although it can strengthen someone, it also weakens them, all the same. Yet it is the essence of humanity, love, and without it, some believe that we would not be human. Let me bring to your attention that to be human, is not to have humanity. I, personally, dislike humanity, although humans can be uplifting and provide entertainment upon occasion. I believe that humanity is emotions. Not only emotions, but emotions that are highly considered when making important decisions. Constantly, people are blinded by emotions and are led in the wrong directions. The might choose to be with someone they have a foolish emotion towards as opposed to being with someone with whom they share some of the better times. Humans should not use their emotions to directly guide their actions in life. Emotions are best left as a datum that goes into the equation which produces good decisions.

Now i shall go back to sex and love. Love needs to be an attachment to a person that is not only physical, but intellectual and emotional. If someone loves for the body of the other person, they are a misled incompetent (if they don't realize it). Love needn't be based _at all_ upon the physical aspects. Some of the best love episodes that i've seen have been with people who are completely emotional and intellectually intertwined. Now, if it is pleasing to you, you can substitute 'soul' for 'emotional and intellectual' when i discuss love. I don't believe in the 'soul' of a person. I don't think that people have 'souls'. 'Souls' are a cheap way of providing a label for a mental part of humanity, consciousness, that needn't be further mysticized. The emotional and intellectual involvement in a relationship must supercede the sexual involvement in a relationship in order for it to work or go anywhere over a long period of time. I have nothing against those who seek sex just for the pleasure, for those people embody humanity at it's basest sense: unclouded by the modern fog that has been containing the true human nature of people for a long time. Well, my point, in short, is: Don't love someone's body, love them for who they are and how they are and what they are. If there is something wrong, it is not because they are not good for you, it is because they are human, and to not have a flaw would make them inhuman, and would provide you with an even bigger obstacle to try to get by in order to love them. Humans love humans because of humanity. You should not deny your humanity; you should work with it to try and achieve your goals.

THE ILLNESS: LOOKING DOWN FROM ABOVE
I think that one of my livejournal entries covers this pretty well? In the lack of motivation I will just quote it:
"It all has to do with the fact that i am tremendously lonely? my best-friends (not counting amanda) are slowly sliding away from me... i have no one to talk to anymore, i just sit here on this damn computer and talk to people that i'll never meet (besides eric). Since i was so lonely (and still am, partly) i needed a target to point all this loneliness at, and that target was carrie.. i don't know why my sub-conscious decided that carrie would be a good decision.. i don't like her that much besides the feelings i used to have. This loneliness was channeled into my feelings for carrie (if they were obsessive or whatnot, it doesn't matter now, b/c i feel next to nothing for her now), and so i got all romantic (unfortunately, she thought i was stalking her) and gave her two poems and a page long note about the "love" (what a misused word) that i thought i had for her at the time. It was really just me, venting out my loneliness on her... if only me and her actually clicked somewhat, i would be happy, and she would to. I am an extremely loyal and honorable person to my friends, and with carrie, i would be so ridiculously loyal and sweet to her, she would love it. Too bad that she took everything i did the wrong way..."

echolan@narisma.nu — Fri, 07 Sep 2001 02:34:34 GMT

controlling the world is not easy
although you may think it is.
To permeate every life makes me queasy
and to feel your strife makes me ill.

Can you, can i, can we, can he
if i could than i would but i can't
so why won't you let me be?
why won't you see the world outside?

serious reminders remind me of today
and today that i found under
the shed of my troubles is contrary
to the life of the worm of my mind.

broken words that analog
something incomprehensible
blinkity blink and winkity wink
words are gone: dispensible.

Consideration is my alliby
and my song is of yesterday.
i yell out the future's cry
and i smell the stench of dirty laundry.

Happiness is not a fish you can catch (but you can catch a cold... that's another story)

echolan@narisma.nu — Fri, 07 Sep 2001 02:26:11 GMT

subtleties:

you know, i don't understand it. Everyone has their own little underbreath things that they are saying that you cannot hear and cannot comprehend because it is in a different language that you can and will never be able to understand. The language is a language of pharamones and emotions that is infinitely difficult to translate into something in english. The only way to know the language is to know what is being said without it being said and without you translating. The material must be taken raw from the source and digested as such. If one tries to flip it around into something that they see as understandable the reasoning and the reason is bound to be lost forever and that phrase of pharamonic and emotional expression is meaningless because of the translation. THe translation unjustifies the message and falsifies it because it is trying to fit, in essance, a square into a circular hole. Translation distorts and contorts the meaning of the language; it makes the language a non-entity in the mind of the translator and destroys the message that is being sent.

Subtleties of conversion are to be known.

Anway, to my life again...
Recently i have been wondering if carrie still thinks that i'm stalking her. I don't think that she is still be so misled. I think that she has finaly turned around and realized that i was just trying to be romantic and she thought too much of it.
I'd love to talk to her thorugh some non-confrontational means, but i'm not sure if one exists. hmmm, ohh well. maybe some day i'll get up the guts to ask her if she'd mind if i were to call her and straighten things out, but i still don't trust her.

Life is hell, and i'm not happy yet.

news update

echolan@narisma.nu — Sun, 02 Sep 2001 03:11:59 GMT

carrie and alex are going out and i'm happy about that. Also, carrie has eased up about me and doesn't seem to be running from me at all, anymore.

alright, i may start posting more often, but prolly not, because i have barely enough time to exist, let alone write in some unimportant text box...

echolan@narisma.nu — Sun, 02 Sep 2001 03:10:34 GMT

AranElus: hey
BindiBhagi: hey
AranElus: hehe, i heard that Carrie got dissapointed with Al because he didn't spend enough time with her
AranElus: already, the deterioration
AranElus: and the realization of the fact that Al is far from the perfect person that he appears to be.
BindiBhagi: you know what I learned this summer?
AranElus: what?
BindiBhagi: most highschool relationships never get deep and are short
AranElus: did your's with Margo go south again?
AranElus: to Cuba?
AranElus: hehe
BindiBhagi: and then you have Sara Pursell and Ross Trelor
BindiBhagi: who have been going out since 7th or 8th grade
BindiBhagi: no
BindiBhagi: it's doing great
AranElus: cool
BindiBhagi: just that...
BindiBhagi: oh...
BindiBhagi: right..
BindiBhagi: I never told you...
BindiBhagi: I never really told anyone
BindiBhagi: Maddy
AranElus: hmmmm?
BindiBhagi: I went out with her for a short time...
AranElus: who might she be?
BindiBhagi: she's a freshman in my sax section
AranElus: hmm
BindiBhagi: she's really nice
AranElus: but.....
BindiBhagi: things just weren't working out as far as going out
AranElus: you and margo where best friends
AranElus: and it was good
AranElus: and you two lasted because of that.
BindiBhagi: yeah
BindiBhagi: and there just wasn't a real something there with Maddy
AranElus: yeah
AranElus: no click
BindiBhagi: and we enver really got to be together because no classes and one of us was usually busy when we didn't
AranElus: hm
AranElus: see, the problem with Al is that he treats having a girlfriend like having a friend and not like having a girlfriend at all, which is the opposite of what carrie wants/wanted
BindiBhagi: ah..
AranElus: she saw his physicality and insanity and thought of herself.
AranElus: she saw herself in those traits in him
AranElus: but they are so different
AranElus: under the skin
BindiBhagi: hm
AranElus: it is my belief that i am much more like carrie than she could ever know unless we were to talk
AranElus: although likeness never gaurantees anything
AranElus: carrie and i used to be mirror images of each other
AranElus: and niether of us realized it...
AranElus: we always ended up in situations together
BindiBhagi: erg..
BindiBhagi: umm
AranElus: through some weird circumstance
BindiBhagi: I'mm brb
AranElus: alright
BindiBhagi: I'll... brb
BindiBhagi signed off at 11:03:25 PM.

idiots permeate all aspects of life.

echolan@narisma.nu — Wed, 15 Aug 2001 21:36:35 GMT

This is hilarious, to me, it shows how stupid some peopple are. I played with this kids head very easily, and he wouldn't listen when i told him the "truth" about his "soul". He acted like he was trying to hide that i was telling the truth.. i prolly was... ohh well. A very amusing convo:

g0ogLes: my game is coming ouyt for x-box
AranElus: yeah, right
g0ogLes: my dad is firends with bill gates
g0ogLes: once its done it will be out on x-box
g0ogLes: my dads buying me my own team
AranElus: shut up
g0ogLes: huh?
g0ogLes: about what?
g0ogLes: its true dude
g0ogLes: x-box uses direct x
AranElus: where do you live?
g0ogLes: i live in florida
g0ogLes: why?
AranElus: i don't know...
AranElus: i'm talking to like 4 ppl right now, so i kinda forgot what i was getting at
g0ogLes: god you beliove everything i say...
AranElus: not even god believes what you say
AranElus: unfortunately...
AranElus: he just informed me
g0ogLes: oh...may god have mercy on your soul
AranElus: hah
AranElus: how often do you go to church?
g0ogLes: never
g0ogLes: anymopre
AranElus: good
AranElus: churches are evil places
g0ogLes: you dont like god?
AranElus: i don't like churches... god is a good friend of mine...
AranElus: we play billiards on sundays
g0ogLes: ...i think that your dog..........
AranElus: he's a rather nice fellow once you get to know him..
g0ogLes: that u like to rape
AranElus: shut up
AranElus: you don't know what your talking about.
g0ogLes: i know
g0ogLes: your right
AranElus: jeez, it's difficult being a messiah.
g0ogLes: i dont
g0ogLes: messiah?
AranElus: yes...
g0ogLes: wtf is that
AranElus: the savior of human kind.. like Jesus, but with an attitude.
g0ogLes: ......................................
AranElus: Jesus did a bad job of saving humanity though...
AranElus: he's been having some domestic disputes with God lately.
AranElus: it's not the most pleasant thing to witness
g0ogLes signed off at 5:21:02 PM.
g0ogLes signed on at 5:21:07 PM.
g0ogLes: hi
AranElus: aloa
g0ogLes: suP?
AranElus: nothin' much
g0ogLes: cool\
AranElus: are you the same person as the one i talked to just before you signed off then on?
g0ogLes: hu?
AranElus: is your father friends with bill gates?
g0ogLes: no
g0ogLes: what do you mena?
AranElus: whoever was on as you before said that his father was friends with bill gates
AranElus: he was obviously lieing
AranElus: do you know what messiah means?
g0ogLes: wtf? probly my best friend
g0ogLes: no what is that?
AranElus: ask you "best friend".
AranElus: i told him..
g0ogLes: k
g0ogLes signed off at 5:25:57 PM.
g0ogLes signed on at 5:26:42 PM.
AranElus: who are you?
g0ogLes: mathar facker
AranElus: anser my question
g0ogLes: what questionnnn
AranElus: i know you fuck your mother.. just stop being a jackass
AranElus: are you the person i talked to about messiah's
g0ogLes: you know u fuck your dog
AranElus: no i don't...
g0ogLes: yea
AranElus: that must be a different me.
AranElus: i am everywhere.
AranElus: i see everything.
g0ogLes: what am i wearing?
g0ogLes: what color shirt?
AranElus: that is irrevelant
AranElus: i don't see you physically, i see your soul.
g0ogLes: THEN SHADAP
g0ogLes: what color shirt is my soul whearing?
AranElus: i can see your conceited innards that you try to hide
AranElus: but you show them when you use your best friend's AIM SN to annoy people
AranElus: and insult them.
g0ogLes: oh really? ::cough:: lame ::cough::
AranElus: who is lame here?
AranElus: how do you know i am wrong?
g0ogLes: ylu
g0ogLes: ::cough:: lame ::cough::
AranElus: shut your face.
AranElus: you don't know bullshit.
g0ogLes: ::cough:: lame ::cough::
AranElus: hehe.
AranElus: you're just making yourself out to be an idiot.
g0ogLes signed off at 5:31:53 PM.

echolan@narisma.nu — Tue, 14 Aug 2001 14:56:53 GMT

This is one of the funniest AIM convos i have ever had, and i had it a few mins ago... most of the humour is based upon bold words... but i think you'll get the drift.

AranElus: aloa
quietestmouse: hii
AranElus: are you having trouble with your e-mail server?
AranElus: Outlook's having trouble contacting narnu
quietestmouse: not yet, i probably will be. i haven't been able to ftp anything in tonight
quietestmouse: no, the email's fine
quietestmouse: *just checked*
AranElus: for the past 3 days i've been having trouble...
AranElus: ag
quietestmouse: : \
quietestmouse: damn narisma server
quietestmouse: i uploaded the new layout earlier, no problems, and now it's being all stupid
quietestmouse: haven't been having problems at all with email, though
AranElus: that's a nice layout, btw
quietestmouse: thank ya
AranElus: the thing you did with th epic of your street looks cool... looks professional.. heh
quietestmouse: yaay
AranElus: it seems as if you are dwelling on your insanity, though
quietestmouse: i'm glad, i was trying to fade the light greyish original background into the white that i wanted subtly.
quietestmouse: how so? :p
quietestmouse: i didn't think i did too much this time
AranElus: well... you talk about it much more.. now you seem more insane than geeky in this format
quietestmouse: lol
AranElus: and that is a decidedly bad thing
AranElus: some of your drawings are amazing, also...
AranElus: i thought one of them was a photograph...
quietestmouse: i put on more of an act in the past, the little happy go lucky dorky amanda act, which is not a cool act when it isn't true. not that there's anything wrong with the persona, it's allowed me to gain many friends, but it isn't quite me. this layout was me, the writing was me, and that makes me feel proud of it that i can do that now.
quietestmouse: thank you. : o
AranElus: it is more you-ish than previous versions... and i like it, but others might take it the wrong way... but, on second though, that doesn't matter
quietestmouse: others can take it however they like, heh. :p i'm just so tired of making layouts with an audience in mind like i used to, i decided now, screw the audience, make whatever the hell you want, amanda, as long as you like it.
quietestmouse: also i talk to myself more, and out loud. :p
AranElus: now THAT is cool.
AranElus: hehe
quietestmouse: i may have to post this on my livejournal, just to warn you. :p
AranElus: this convo?
quietestmouse: si si
AranElus: cookl
AranElus: i mean, cool
quietestmouse: it works well with my previous about the page
AranElus: posting convos = fun-fun-silly-willy
quietestmouse: i think i will, but i'll clip off this part
quietestmouse: lol, you're talking like mel now
AranElus: alright
AranElus: i post convos lots now..
AranElus: i think i'll post this one also...
quietestmouse: she and her best friend christina came over today and we had mucho fun
AranElus: unedited
quietestmouse: yaaay
quietestmouse: posting convos is good stuff
AranElus: and i initiated the craze
AranElus: i feel so special.... or not
AranElus: whatev
quietestmouse: feel special, you never know when you might be able to again. :p
AranElus: fun-fun-silly-willy is my word. DAMNIT!
AranElus: hehe
quietestmouse: i thought it was a melissa word. :p
quietestmouse: she doesn't use it much anymore, though
AranElus: ohh well, it don't matter
quietestmouse: it can be both your words
AranElus: we can have joint custody of "fun-fun-silly-willy"
AranElus: hehe
AranElus: the legallity is disturbing
quietestmouse: so who pays child support, and when do you get visitation?
quietestmouse: very
AranElus: I get visitation whenever i want to, dammit.
AranElus: I guess that means i pay child-support... screwed again.
AranElus: hehe
quietestmouse: you go! fight for your rights!
quietestmouse: well, it's a small price to pay...
quietestmouse: i almost said you go girl because i get so used to it, but i slapped myself out of it. *nodnod*
AranElus: for a word with three hyphons, 'tis a small price to pay
AranElus: hey, this convo is getting interesting...
AranElus: now that i've jinxed it.
AranElus: too bad
quietestmouse: hey, i thought it was interesting before. sniff sniff. don't mind me.
AranElus: maybe i will... but... on second thought...
AranElus: dammit, nevermind.
quietestmouse: ok
quietestmouse: whatever you say
quietestmouse: it's been a long day
quietestmouse: i'm a poet and i didn't even know it
quietestmouse: oh dear.
quietestmouse: now i'm just taking this too far
AranElus: oh my
quietestmouse: no turning back now, wilson
quietestmouse: wilson!
quietestmouse: spalding!
quietestmouse: *dies*
quietestmouse: now that's entertainment
quietestmouse: not really
AranElus: *places flowers on grave*
AranElus: *snif*
quietestmouse: damn, i must be irritating
AranElus: that's like de-entertainment
AranElus: you've just ruined my life.
AranElus: *cry*
quietestmouse: oh my. another innocent life, stained. i should be ashamed of myself.
AranElus: or we should have a twister party...
AranElus: either one would suffice
quietestmouse: i had to explain a dirty joke to a friend. it felt so wrong, considering she's had more experience than i have.
quietestmouse: twister party would be good.
AranElus: yes.
quietestmouse: i've only played twister with little kids lately, which sucks because they're horrible at it and it's too easy for me to win.
AranElus: decision: twister party beats being ashamed of yourself. Judgement is to the plaintiff.
quietestmouse: haha. sounds nice and guilt free to me
AranElus: $6000 dollars.
AranElus: in mental damages =P
quietestmouse: lmao
quietestmouse: how about i just leave the country?
quietestmouse: and pass my debt on to a charitable organization?
AranElus: you can never escape them.
quietestmouse: oh dear.
quietestmouse: that is true
AranElus: they will get you...
quietestmouse: well. it depends on who they are.
AranElus: they will make their name bold until you beg them to stop.
quietestmouse: who exactly is this they you are referring to?
AranElus: duh duh duhhhhhhhh
quietestmouse: hey. don't mock bold. bold is your friend.
quietestmouse: and don't you forget it
AranElus: ohh, you must know about them.
quietestmouse: oh, i do.
quietestmouse: but i wish i didn't.
AranElus: they permeate all aspects of your life.
quietestmouse: they are the scourge of human existance.
AranElus: they are none other than microsoft.
quietestmouse: but now... i have said too much.
quietestmouse: lmao
quietestmouse: yes
quietestmouse: they are them, indeed.
AranElus: they are themselves so we should let them be them and let them do what they wish.
AranElus: pressing cntrl-b is difficult when you are doing it ever other word...
quietestmouse: yes. because we enjoy our personal freedoms just as much as they do.
AranElus: but it is what they require.
quietestmouse: i just do < b >
quietestmouse: it is.
quietestmouse: and we must respect their wishes
AranElus: so it is unfortunate for us.
quietestmouse: le sigh
AranElus: or we will be hunted like animals by their evil bugs in their terrible OS's
quietestmouse: i always wanted to use that [le sigh] but never got around to it
quietestmouse: ooh. it didn't work for you?
quietestmouse: odd
AranElus: damnit
AranElus: look what they have done!
quietestmouse: i guess you'll have to use the long way
AranElus: my life is ruined!
quietestmouse: they obviously hate you.
quietestmouse: i'm sorry mike.
AranElus: they are out to get me.
quietestmouse: you are not one of the ones chosen by them
AranElus: uh oh, they are at my door...
AranElus: *shrivels up into a little ball and cowers in terror of them*
AranElus: i hope that they don't destroy this conversation.
quietestmouse: they will find you.
quietestmouse: no matter where you hide.
AranElus: they show no remorse
quietestmouse: they will do anything in their power to get their desired ends.
AranElus: Bill Gates is in league with satan.
quietestmouse: !!! satan. must be bold.
AranElus: ohh no! here they come...
quietestmouse: bill gates and satan are the same entity, are they not?
quietestmouse: just in two bodies
quietestmouse: they are evil. personified. computerized. and incinerated.
AranElus: satan is actually controlling the body of bill gates although bill gates is far more evil.
quietestmouse: i'd say they are about equal.
quietestmouse: i wouldn't want to encourage competition between them
AranElus: because bill gates monopolizes everything...
AranElus: he may even monopolize hell.
quietestmouse: and satan's got the market down on sinners.
quietestmouse: he most certainly may.
AranElus: i think that he has.
AranElus: alright, maybe we should end this convo on a good, comical note.
AranElus: and stop talken about them now.
quietestmouse: yes, i think that's a good plan.
quietestmouse: because by talking about them, we give them exactly what they want.
AranElus: so, copy and paste this into livejournal.
quietestmouse: and besides, the comedy here is based totally on use of bold.
AranElus: ture
AranElus: !!! ugh !!! bill gates has control of the typo demon and he has unleashed it on me!
quietestmouse: aaaah!
quietestmouse: *runs for her life*
quietestmouse: *and her computer*
AranElus: go to your homes, children!
AranElus: *runs to get some icecream*
quietestmouse: step away from your mice and keyboards!
AranElus: yum.... icecream
quietestmouse: i think i have barbeque potato chips.
AranElus: ahhh!
AranElus: ooooooo!
quietestmouse: mmm... melissa brought me over *lime tortia chips* today. and didn't spell that right, but it's ok. they were delicious
AranElus: ohh, yeah? well i have SOUR CREAM AND ONION! beat that!
quietestmouse: um, excuse me
quietestmouse: barbeque beats sour cream and onion any day
AranElus: SOUR CREAM AND ONION is invincible.
quietestmouse: i'm sorry.
quietestmouse: you're obviously delusioinal
quietestmouse: i think you need to be taken to a taste specialist
AranElus: yes...immediately
AranElus: i need toungue evaluation.
AranElus: we need toungueologists.
quietestmouse: tasteologists
quietestmouse: asdfjaskdlfjaslkdfologists
AranElus: ;lajksdfl;ajsdfl;ajsfd;lajsdflkjologists
AranElus: and so begins a battle of one-up-manship that will finally spiral into catastrophe when one of their computers overheats and blows a hole in the ground where their house once stood
quietestmouse: fucking livejournal. the internet obviously hates me tonight. *potty mouth*
quietestmouse: hahaha. i have no desire to compete further, sorry to ruin your fun.
quietestmouse: i would rather focus my attacks on *livejournal*, who is having an outage. adfjaksldjfkasldjfalksdjflaskdjfalksdjflkajsdflkadsjfkldsj.
quietestmouse: take that, you damn outage
AranElus: that's because i enlightened you as to the outcome of your actions.
quietestmouse: it did let me post a message, but i can't see it.
quietestmouse: yes
AranElus: I am the amazing oracle announcer voice, bow before me!
quietestmouse: dude. i didn't mean to say dude, but it's too late now. ok. erin and i were trying to use a ouija board, and it wouldn't work, we have to try to contact someone next time i see you or whatever. yeah.
AranElus: yeah, d00t.
AranElus: 3l33t.
AranElus: hah!
quietestmouse: that sounded so teenager. dear lord what have i become. and why am i adressing dear lord as an atheist?
quietestmouse: aah
quietestmouse: dan does that when he wants to be funny
AranElus: you evil, evil individual.
quietestmouse: & it's not funny, i'm sorry.
quietestmouse: his sarcasm needs work.
AranElus: yes!
AranElus: This is an amazing convo!
quietestmouse: it is.
AranElus: hilarity at it's fineset.
quietestmouse: wow.
quietestmouse: i haven't seen the likes of it since melissa and co left
quietestmouse: and that was in person
quietestmouse: online convos are... different.
quietestmouse: we did get a video, though.
AranElus: hilarity is much more dificult online.
quietestmouse: it really is
quietestmouse: because you automatically have the monotone voice
AranElus: but we have achieved it.
quietestmouse: and you have to take it from thre
quietestmouse: yes!
quietestmouse: we are evil geniuses
quietestmouse: just like bill gates
AranElus: we are the champions of the universe!.... or justmy back yard..
quietestmouse: and satan
AranElus: i think my back yard will do.
quietestmouse: or my gazebo and black top
quietestmouse: how about the high school?
AranElus: satan will own you gazebo, and change it into a gazebo:-)
AranElus: i mean.... !
quietestmouse: i am a cool senior this year. i rool the skool.
quietestmouse: i also cannot spell.
quietestmouse: la la la
quietestmouse: wow. so like, satan can make things stay the same? that's some heavy stuff.
AranElus: d00d, u did it all rong: i r00l da sk00l.
quietestmouse: i am so sorry.
AranElus: no! he can make them bold!
AranElus: an amazing power that we will never be able to comprehend
quietestmouse: i am not as l33t as you k00l hackerz
quietestmouse: it is amazing.
AranElus: it is too unbelievable for us simple minded humans to even try to understand.
AranElus: wil the hilarity ever end!?
quietestmouse: the inner workings of the bold function may never be fully comprehended.
quietestmouse: we can only stare with wonder
quietestmouse: when i get off the computer to go to bed. :p
quietestmouse: which is when my mothers friend leaves
quietestmouse: which is probably soon
AranElus: that sucks...
AranElus: i was hoping that we could r00l the w0r1d.
quietestmouse: yeep. but i need my ugly sleep. ha ha ha. that wasn't funny, therefore i needed to laugh.
quietestmouse: we'll have to save that for tomorrow
quietestmouse: or the next day
AranElus: or..... umm....
AranElus: [insert funny timespan here]
quietestmouse: after i get my drivers licence *loud dramatic music* or fail the test. damn.
AranElus: hmm
AranElus: i think we should end this convo now, as to preserve the good vibes
AranElus: and the good humor
quietestmouse: sounds like a good plan
quietestmouse: didn't you suggest that earlier?
AranElus: so maybe it will carry over into the next one.
quietestmouse: oh well.
quietestmouse: i ruined it.
AranElus: yes, you did!
quietestmouse: you may post it to your livejournal if you like
AranElus: well...
AranElus: i shall..
AranElus: i've gotta sleep... bye
quietestmouse: i'm sorry. i'm going to go cry in my corner now.
quietestmouse: good.
quietestmouse: byebye

echolan@narisma.nu — Tue, 14 Aug 2001 03:25:17 GMT

echolan@narisma.nu — Tue, 14 Aug 2001 03:24:43 GMT

mike vs. religion

echolan@narisma.nu — Tue, 14 Aug 2001 02:08:25 GMT

I was on furc a few minutes ago and i met his endearing 13 year old girl who is a rather devout christian.... i had the follow ing conversation with her... this is one of my favourite verbal sparring matches that i've ever had.

[ Florida Gurl whispers, "Hey there." to you. ]
Berserk ish chewed on!
[ You whisper "hey" to Florida Gurl. ]
Obi-Chan wonders where KaGe went to
Winter Dust doesn't understand a word Echolan is saying... -.-
Kantara: lol
You say, "hehe... 'tis old english"
You say, "shakespearean"
Shynem: Very well written old english, as far as that.
Kantara: Shakeaspear!
Shynem: ...Unwell.
Shynem: Not well.
Winter Dust: Yeah.. Okay. Can you talk normally?
Kantara: lol
You say, "sure"
Shynem: Very BADLY written, old english.
Shynem: ...>.<
[ Florida Gurl whispers, "I was listening to your convo through my bot.... I can't believe that she didn't like the m'lady thing. That stuff is so cute:-D:-P" to you. ]
Kantara: LOL!
You say, "my pleasure"
Kantara snuggles Shy for being so smart
ChibiKuja lost his kagechan
ChibiKuja: :~(
ChibiKuja poofs
[ You whisper "well thankee there. I enjoy knighthood" to Florida Gurl. ]
Shynem hugs Kanta, "Me so smart."
Deaton: I made it over here!
[ You whisper "where art thou?" to Florida Gurl. ]
Winter Dust: o.o
Berserk: your back!
+KaGeHime+: god damn computer ><
[ Florida Gurl whispers, "I am in my bar. Singles Pillow Palace." to you. ]
Obi-Chan hugs KaGe!
+KaGeHime+ hughugs
[ You whisper "i'll brt" to Florida Gurl. ]
Winter Dust: Nyu.
Deaton: damn! I come over here, and there's nothing to do!
[ Florida Gurl whispers, "Kewl:-D" to you. ]
Winter Dust: Sure there is!
(You enter the dream of Singles PillowPalace.)
(Lines of DragonSpeak: 37)
[ You whisper "yuck, even on DSL dreams DL slowly" to Florida Gurl. ]
[ You whisper "=(" to Florida Gurl. ]
[ Florida Gurl whispers, "My dream is REALLY slow." to you. ]
(You see Florida Gurl.)
> Hi, everyone! I'm back! Yay!
[ Florida Gurl whispers, "And I've cut down on the time the best that I can." to you. ]
Florida Gurl: You call THAT slow?
You say, "yes... for DSL"
Florida Gurl: Just for the record.......
You say, "i can usually get 1MB in about 20 secs"
Florida Gurl: It takes most people like 10 min.
You say, "hah!"
Florida Gurl shakes her head.
Florida Gurl smiles.
Echolan RiNesra smiles back and bows generously...
Florida Gurl: Can I get you a drink?
You say, "no thank you, m'lady"
Florida Gurl smiles her cutesy "That is so cute" smile. (Patented)
Florida Gurl: How old r u irl?
You say, "I am a knight. It is the conduct that i must follow"
You say, "15"
Florida Gurl: Ok, I'm 13.
You say, "hehe..."
Florida Gurl feels little..........agian.
Florida Gurl: So what happened to the girl you were talking to?
You say, "don't feel little, m'lady, you musn't be troubled by thy age, for thy age 'tisn't a sign of thy maturity."
You say, "_"
Florida Gurl smiles.
You say, "ohh, i doth not matter."
You say, "I never trouble m'lady's hand with mine requests. I supply my own spirits, and fine ones, at that"
Florida Gurl smiles a little as she can barely understand the way you talk, but hey! That's the price I have to pay.
Echolan RiNesra pulls out some amber looking wine
You say, "I canst speak the normal, if it is m'lady's wish."
Echolan RiNesra bows
Florida Gurl: Whichever you prefer.
You say, "alright"
You say, "i'll speak english, then"
You say, "normally"
Florida Gurl: Ok.
You say, "although i do prefer the knightly lingo"
Echolan RiNesra laughs good-naturedly.
You say, "I haven't gone on furc in 3 months..."
Florida Gurl: I prefer the ghetto lingo.... so if I start talking like a rapper's girlfriend, just ya know, remind me that I'm being stupid.
You say, "hah"
Florida Gurl smiles a little.
You say, "i shall"
You say, "most males are idiots anyways"
You say, "i'm used to putting up with l33t"
You say, "unfortunately"
Florida Gurl: l33t?
You say, "i needn't taint your mind with l33t. It is crap, and i shall not talk of it when it's not neccessary"
Florida Gurl: Well.......
You say, "just, FYI, it's talking useing all the abbreviations"
You say, "i.e.: "how r u doing?""
You say, ""l8ter""
You say, "actualy "l8er""
You say, "that type 'o stuff"
Florida Gurl: You mentioned it, I asked a question, can't ya just answer?
You say, "l33t is talking using 'r' for 'are' and 'u' for 'you' and 'l8er' for 'later'."
You say, "it's the ultimate turn off for me..."
Florida Gurl: Oh.
You say, "but most people talk like that over the internet, unfortunately."
Florida Gurl: I usually don't talk like that.
Florida Gurl: Honestly.
You say, "Good."
Echolan RiNesra smiles.
Florida Gurl: I was just.........
Florida Gurl: I dunno.
You say, "you needn't worry."
Florida Gurl: Usually when I first meet someone I do that.
Florida Gurl: God knows why.
You say, "do what?"
You say, "talk like a rappers girlfriend?"
(You see Imp warrior.)
> ya this is the thai resturant.[single][has a jo staff strapped to his back][looking for job][borg collective][knows kenpo]
Florida Gurl giggles: If that's what you wanna call it.
You say, "i doesn't matter _. I'll respect you fine nomatter how you speak as long as your not l33ting."
Florida Gurl: Okies.
Florida Gurl taked a mental note.... Use actual WORDS (not letters) around Echol....
You say, "Echo, call me Echo"
Florida Gurl: Ok, then, Echo.
You say, "my name is ridiculously long, i apologize"
Florida Gurl: They call me Flory or Flori, whichever you prefer.
You say, "actually, flori is a nice name..."
Florida Gurl: Usually Flory, but I honestly don't care. I like Flori better.
You say, "although a rose by any name would smell as sweet_."
Florida Gurl smiles.
Florida Gurl: Poetic type irl?
Florida Gurl takes a guess.....
You say, "Yes, i write lots of poetry."
Florida Gurl smiles again.
Florida Gurl: Wow.
Florida Gurl: I'm a singer.
Florida Gurl: A Christian singer.
You say, "yuck"
You say, "christianity"
Florida Gurl: What?
You say, "sorry, it doesn't matter."
You say, "i play drums =)"
Florida Gurl: Excuse my attitude.... but if you have a problem with Christianity (it is capitalized, Christ's name) You have a problem with me.
Florida Gurl: It's part of who I am.
You say, "hehe... i have no problems with your religion"
Florida Gurl: Why did you say yuck?
Florida Gurl: Hi, welcome.
You say, "I don't like Christian rock... sorry."
Krysta: hi
Florida Gurl: Oh, it's not Christian rock.
Florida Gurl: Oh, have you ever heard of Rock the Universe, at universal studios?
You say, "nope"
Florida Gurl: Oh....
You say, "hehe"
Florida Gurl smiles.
Florida Gurl: Soooo
You say, "well..."
You say, "i hope this doesn't make you dislike me, but..."
[=] System Announcement: Only 40 more votes will get Furcadia into the top 10 on www.mpogd.com - if you enjoy it here, hit F8 and help us out with your vote!
You say, "I'm an aetheist."
Florida Gurl: What music do you listen to?
Florida Gurl: A lot of people are.
Florida Gurl: But ya know what.
You say, "hehe"
You say, "it doesn't matter"
Florida Gurl: Everyone starts somewhere.
You say, "we're all human"
You say, "i was a Christian, once..."
Florida Gurl: And why not now?
You say, "but when i began to get philosophical, i realized that christianity was biasing my philosophies..."
You say, "and i thought that Christianity was ridiculous..."
You say, "It was good at it's core, but it was ruined by misinterpretation."
Florida Gurl: Hi.
Florida Gurl: Ok....
You say, "I hope i don't offend you."
Florida Gurl: Back up a few lines, here.
Florida Gurl: No, but I think you're working on offending my mom.... I personally have no earthly clue what any of that meant....
You say, "hehe."
You say, "Do you take the bible litterally?"
Florida Gurl: Oh, she says "No, he's not offending me. Everyone has a right to their opinion. His is wrong".
You say, "hehe.. i love Catholics"
You say, "it's all wrong and right, black and white"
Florida Gurl: Yes I believe it.
You say, "it's all Morality."
You say, "Do you believe that God, in all His grace, created the earth in 7 days?"
Florida Gurl: Yes I do.
Florida Gurl: I believe every word of it.
You say, "good for you!"
Florida Gurl: But who knows what 7 days in God's time is.
Florida Gurl: It could be years.
Florida Gurl: His time is different from ours.
Echolan RiNesra is walking a thin line between offending you and saying his mind
Florida Gurl: No, no.
You say, "ohh?"
Florida Gurl: You won't offend me.
Florida Gurl: It COULD be different time is what I meant to say.
You say, "God is timeless"
You say, "the fellow will never die, and was never boarn"
You say, "^born"
Florida Gurl: As long as you're not some weirdo satan worshipper person, you won't offend me. You're entitled to your thoughts.
You say, "ohh, i don't believe in anything religous"
Florida Gurl: My mom says that she's never heard God referred to as "The fellow"
You say, "hehe.. pardon my familiar references to god"
You say, "i mean, God"
You say, "pardon me."
Florida Gurl: Do you beleive in God.
Florida Gurl: ?
You say, "not in the slightest"
Florida Gurl: Not . , ?
Florida Gurl: Hmmmm....
You say, "i think he's a load of nonsense"
Florida Gurl: How do you think that you got here?
You say, "through evolution"
You say, "i don't think that the big bang theory is worth a grain of salt, though"
Florida Gurl: I'm glad that you evolved from apes, but I ain't no stinking monkey.....
You say, "and niether am i."
Florida Gurl tries not to laugh.
You say, "we aren't monkeys"
You say, "we are humans"
Florida Gurl: That theory is ridiculous.
You say, "what, darwinism?"
Florida Gurl: Well, duh.
You say, "hah@"
You say, "!"
Florida Gurl: Yeah.
You say, "God is ridiculous"
Florida Gurl: Why are the monkeys still monkeys? Why didn't they evolve?
Florida Gurl: Or apes, whatever?
You say, "this is ridiculous"
Florida Gurl: Yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking.
You say, "you see the reasons for what you are talking about all around you."
You say, "it is that you are blinded by your beliefs, instead of being set free by them"
Florida Gurl: For what I talk about.
Florida Gurl: You are right when you say that I see all around me what I talk about.
Florida Gurl: I talk about God.
Florida Gurl: Walk outside.
Florida Gurl: Everything that you see....
You say, "is..."
Florida Gurl: It was made by God.
You say, " really?"
You say, "hmm"
You say, "curious"
Florida Gurl: That's a few MILLION reasons.
You say, "where did cain's wife come from?"
Florida Gurl: It never says that there was only Adam and Eve.
Florida Gurl: It only says that they were the first.
You say, "hmmmm!"
You say, "i must say, you are a fool for believing the bible is completely literal and not supposing that it may also be figurative and metaphorical"
Florida Gurl: You do realize that everything that you say, I'll have something else, and that this could go on for days, right?
You say, "the bible makes sense, if you look at it in a certain way"
You say, "yes"
You say, "i enjoy talking to people like you."
Florida Gurl smiles.
You say, "playing god is fun..."
Florida Gurl: What?
Florida Gurl: Playing God?
Florida Gurl: ???
You say, "not 'playing God', that would be blasphemous."
You say, "i said 'playing god'"
You say, "i'm pretty much saying that it's fun to be unenlightened"
Florida Gurl: My mommy said that she's gonna pray for you.
You say, "hehe, and it will do me no good"
Florida Gurl giggles a little..... That's her answer to the world.
Florida Gurl: You'd be surprised.
You say, "i would be, if it did anything for me, whatsoever"
You say, "I feel sorry for you."
Florida Gurl: Well ya know what...
You say, "and you mum feels sorry for me"
Florida Gurl: I feel VERY sorry for you.
You say, "as you should"
You say, "because i am unenlightened."
Florida Gurl: Enlightened of what?
Florida Gurl: Oh..
Florida Gurl: I can read, now.
Florida Gurl: Nm.
You say, "i am a helpless, ignorant soul traversing the infinite void of conciousneess without a holy guide."
You say, "ohh, woe is me."
Florida Gurl: Yeah.... I can agree to that..
Florida Gurl: Oh, hold up.
Florida Gurl: Was that sarcasm?
Echolan RiNesra points out the ridiculous amounts of sarcasm.
Florida Gurl: You're right, there is a ridiculous ammount of sarcasm.
You say, "you see, i realize that i can not put a dent in your ignorance, it's just fun to play with your head. I've enjoyed talking with you so far."
You say, "well, it's a downright UNHOLY amount of sarcasm."
Florida Gurl: Playing with my head, huh?
You say, "yeah"
Florida Gurl: No, just listen for a sec.
You say, "hehe"
Florida Gurl: Don't talk.
Florida Gurl: Listen.
Florida Gurl: YOU are NOT playing with my head.
Florida Gurl: The only reason I'm doing this is because this is what I believe.
Echolan RiNesra listens with a fiendish smile on his face.
Florida Gurl: I KNOW that this is true.
Florida Gurl: And nothing that you say will change the way that I see this.
You say, "i know that."
You say, "that's why i'm playing with you."
Florida Gurl: If you think that you're playing with my head, you're wrong.
Florida Gurl: Because I think what I think.
You say, "a beutifully played fencing match of words"
You say, "i'm playing with your head, not warping it from it's holy and righteous ways."
Florida Gurl: And nothing that you say is going to change it.
Florida Gurl: You're not 15.... There is no way.
Elaine DeFlirt looks at Echolan and then looks away
You say, "well, how old do you think i am?"
Florida Gurl: No 15 year old boy talks like this.
Florida Gurl: Like....
Florida Gurl thinks...
Florida Gurl: Old enough to have had this nonsense about philosophy pounded into your head.
Elaine DeFlirt whispers to herself "19......"
You say, "nonsense!!!!!!!!!!"
Florida Gurl: And aped.
Florida Gurl: OOCapes
You say, "nonsense!"
Florida Gurl: Did I mis spell it?
Florida Gurl: No, I didn't think so.
Elaine DeFlirt: i dun think it's nonsense......
You say, "all your words waste and decay, nothing you say reaches my head anyway. You never spoke a word of truth."
Florida Gurl laughs......
You say, " -Greg Lake inthe song "The Endless Enigma""
Florida Gurl: Are you gonna be on again?
You say, "yes."
You say, "do you have AIM?"
Florida Gurl: When?
Florida Gurl: Yes, but I don't use it.
You say, "alright."
Florida Gurl: I've got too much garbage through it.
You say, "when will you be on?"
Florida Gurl: Anytime...
Florida Gurl: I'm home schooled.
You say, "ahh! so you've had Catholisizm pounded into!"
Florida Gurl: No.
You say, "i understand you"
Florida Gurl: Christianity.
Elaine DeFlirt laughs
Florida Gurl: We aren't Catholics.
You say, "sorry for the misspelling and wrong word"
You say, "Christianity."
Elaine DeFlirt sees that's he's not intrested in her so she moves back down
Florida Gurl: I'm usually on at about 7:00 or 8:00 at night.
You say, "may God bless your soul and show you the way to lead your life through the bumps it shall encounter, and my His Grace bless you with the ansers to my questions"
Echolan RiNesra's words are dripping with sarcasm.
You say, "I am fifteen, you know."
Florida Gurl: I don't appreciate your sarcasm.
You say, "And neither does His Grace"
You say, "but can i do anything about that?"
Florida Gurl: And I don't take any of that from people when I was at school.
Elaine DeFlirt whispers "I think he's funny"
You say, "i say, let God be God."
Florida Gurl: OOCdidn't.
Florida Gurl: And I REALLY don't feel like taking it from you, and NOT about this.
You say, "I'm playing with your religion."
You say, "i'm sorry."
You say, "it is not a game in which mortals should play."
Florida Gurl: I believe in the power of prayer.
Florida Gurl: And we are praying for you.
You say, "good!"
Florida Gurl: Don't get an attitude.... Please.
You say, "pray, it will make you feel better about my damned soul."
Elaine DeFlirt: Are you alive?
Florida Gurl: I DON'T wanna get an attitude....
You say, "that wasn't an attitude."
You say, "i'm talking in your terms"
Elaine DeFlirt waves a hand in front of her face
Florida Gurl shakes her head.
You say, "Actually, it's good to believe in god."
You say, "i mean, God"
Florida Gurl: Thank you.
Florida Gurl: I was about to correct that.
You say, "because he is a backbone for the spineless"
You say, "for those without their own ethics and ideals"
Elaine DeFlirt: huh?
Florida Gurl: So you think that I'm spineless?
You say, "no."
You say, "i don't know about that."
Florida Gurl: That's what you just said.
You say, "i'm making a general statement"
You say, "any individual may be excluded from a general statement"
Elaine DeFlirt: goodbye people! and please stop fighting and just drop the subject!
You say, "you are like a punching back on which for me to practice my philosophy."
Florida Gurl is speechless.
You say, "OOCyou are like a punching bag"
Florida Gurl: I suppose that I live a sheltered life.
You say, "that wasn't an insult"
You say, "i do this with my friends too..."
You say, "they are just not as conservative as yourself."
Florida Gurl: ........
Florida Gurl: Do they beleive in God?
You say, "veryfew of them..."
You say, "it's still fun to throw philosphy at them and have a verbal sparring match"
You say, "I'm going to save this log... this is great."
You say, "hopefully it has logged everything during this convo"
Florida Gurl: So you think that this is fun because why??
You say, "hehe"
Florida Gurl: It probably cut off a lot of it.
You say, "it's not fun"
You say, "it's entertaining though... for me"
You say, "You are the best Christian i have ever met."
You say, "seriously"
Florida Gurl: I don't know how to take that from you.
You say, "but don't pray for me, because i am doomed to hell already, and there's nothing you can do about it..."
Florida Gurl: Wouldn't that make me the queen of the spineless people who are blinded or however you said it?
You say, "well... God isn't your spine, his is an exoskeleton that incases your being."
You say, "proverbially"
Florida Gurl: If you are REALLY 15........
Florida Gurl: Then there is PLENTY of time for your life to turn around.
Florida Gurl: And I beleive that it will.
[=] System Announcement: Woooo! We made #5 on the MPOGD top games list! If you have fun here and want to help out, you can vote too! Be sure to put [I voted] in your desc! :-) http://www.mpogd.com/ F8 now :-)
You say, "turn around?"
You say, "i'm allready damned"
You say, "hope is the first step toward dissapointment"
Florida Gurl: There is no sin won't forgive.
Florida Gurl: Sin GOD won't forgive.
You say, "what about the sin of being without sin?"
Florida Gurl kicks the typo semon.
You say, "i am without sin."
You say, "because i don't believe in sin"
Florida Gurl: Right.
Florida Gurl: We are all sinners.
Florida Gurl: I hope you enjoyed yourself......
You say, "i am not of your we."
Florida Gurl: When I say we, I mean every single human being.
Florida Gurl: You ARE part of my we.
You say, "i apologize for my beliefs... "
Florida Gurl: I have to go.
You say, "or for my lack thereof"
Florida Gurl: I have to get up in the morning.
You say, "will i talk to you again?"
Florida Gurl: If you're on.
[=] System Announcement: Thanks to everyone for moving us from #13 to #5 on www.mpogd.com tonight! Put [I voted] in your description if you want to show everyone you supported us. Or come to the Voting Party, whisper Sunny Chiba for directions to the dream.
You say, "but.. will i?"
You say, "will you let me?"
Florida Gurl: .........Sure.
You say, "do you hold myself against me?"
Florida Gurl: No.
You say, "good!"
You say, "you are going to have a great life."
You say, "don't stop believing in god."
You say, "i mean, God"
You say, "sorry"
Florida Gurl: It's not your fault that you believe in such foolish things.
You say, "wow, that, coming from you!"
Florida Gurl: God is good all the time.
You say, "It's not YOUR fault that you believe in such foolish things"
Florida Gurl laughs./
Florida Gurl: Ok.
You say, "heh.. i don't believe, i don't"
Florida Gurl: I don't care what anyone thinks.
You say, "niether do i."
You say, "i'm happy that you have something that will help you through life"
Florida Gurl: I know that it's true. And whether you know it or not, that doesn't affect me.
You say, "but what happens when God lets you down? (don't say that he won't)"
You say, "you KNOW?"
You say, "how do you KNOW?"
You say, "do you frequently repeat a lie until you believe it to be true?"
Florida Gurl: Do you?
You say, "No"
Florida Gurl: Apparently you do.
You say, "God isn't a matter of lies"
You say, "God is the ultimate Truth..."
Florida Gurl: I have friends who have gone on mission trips.
You say, "but Truth is a multi-headed demon"
Florida Gurl: And come back with stories of....
You say, "Truth can be evil."
Florida Gurl thinks...
You say, "Truth can be interpreted "
Florida Gurl: Steve, a friend of mine...
Florida Gurl: Said that the power went out..
Florida Gurl: He was in Trinidad.
You say, "ahh?"
Florida Gurl: They prayed and prayed, and the power came back. And don't EVEN say that it would have happened eventually.
You say, "hehe"
Florida Gurl: My friend Chris.
You say, "I love you."
You say, "hehe"
You say, "as a matter of religion"
You say, "not as a matter of person"
Florida Gurl: He had a friend who would NOT come to churhc.
Florida Gurl: OOCchurch*
You say, "I dispise churches myself"
Florida Gurl: And he told her that she wouldn't be able to sleep until she came to church.
You say, "such strange and eerie places..."
Florida Gurl: She literally COULD NOT sleep for 1 week until she went.
Florida Gurl: And the next night she was able to sleep again.
Florida Gurl: After she went.
You say, "hehe"
You say, "I love religion."
You say, "it's such fun."
Florida Gurl: And me.....
You say, "I love you, religiously speaking..."
Florida Gurl: I went to Acquire The Fire.
Florida Gurl: And came back.
Florida Gurl: I could NOT concentrate during school.
Florida Gurl: All I could think about was God.
Florida Gurl: And what I had done wrong.
You say, "don't make me burn in desire, let me stand next to your fire. -Jimi Hendrix"
Florida Gurl: And the bad friends.
You say, "I constantly think about God, also."
Florida Gurl: I talked my mom into letting me be homeschooled.
Florida Gurl: And 2 DAYS LATER.
Florida Gurl: There was a terrorist attack on the school.
You say, "terrorist?"
You say, "hmmm"
You say, "from what country?"
Florida Gurl takes a deep breath.
Florida Gurl buries her head in her hands.
Florida Gurl: Why is the world so sarcastic?
Florida Gurl: Reny poo!
Ren0 Of Tha Turks: i cant stay long
You say, "because people are stupid."
Florida Gurl: I know.
Florida Gurl: Neither can I.
You say, "ohh, i'm sorry..."
You say, "g'day there"
Florida Gurl: How are ya, Ren?
Ren0 Of Tha Turks: so wuts up flory babe o.O?
Ren0 Of Tha Turks: lol
Ren0 Of Tha Turks: nuttin
Florida Gurl: Nothing:-D
Ren0 Of Tha Turks: like always -.-
You say, "hehe"
You say, "one big nothing."
Florida Gurl: Poor guy:-(
You say, "yes, she is referring to me"
Florida Gurl: Why do you have to act like that?
Florida Gurl: I wasn't referring to anyone.
You say, "because i am a fool."
Florida Gurl: Nothing is just what I ALWAYS say.
Florida Gurl: YOU don't think that though.
Florida Gurl: Obviously you don't.
Ren0 Of Tha Turks: fuck
You say, "i don't?"
Ren0 Of Tha Turks: i gotta go
Ren0 Of Tha Turks: bai
Florida Gurl: Watch it.
You say, "bye"
Florida Gurl: Bye.
Florida Gurl: Mouthy.
You say, "hah"
You say, "your life means nothing to me... you are rather arbitrary."
You say, "if i were to meat you in person.... that view might change"
Florida Gurl: I'll look that up in the dictionary later.....
You say, "but i might never see you again, and then, what will you matter?"
You say, "You won't exist to me"
You say, "and i won't exist to you.."
Florida Gurl: Of the million thing that I could say, they would all be mean.
You say, "hehe"
You say, "Satan says "hello!""
You say, "note:"
You say, "that was said in reference to "Of the million things..." that you just said. "
You say, "I don't believe in god, or satan."
Florida Gurl: And Florida says Good-bye.
Florida Gurl: I need some sleep.
You say, "alright"
Florida Gurl: Bye.
You say, "i hope to speak with you again."
You say, "bye"

some more....

echolan@narisma.nu — Fri, 03 Aug 2001 22:59:06 GMT

another conversation.. that's enough for tongiht, i believe.

AranElus: hey
BindiBhagi: hey
AranElus: i'm going down to Carolina for a week tommorrrow
AranElus: and.. Alex and Carrie are going out..
BindiBhagi: I'm confused about that...
BindiBhagi: because I thought that they had been going out for awhile now...
AranElus: no
BindiBhagi: hm
AranElus: they'd be doing something with her friends dealing with playing music at schools and such
BindiBhagi: ahh
AranElus: they'd only started actually going out alone together fairly recently..
AranElus: i'm gonne call Al up when i get back from Carolina and set up some time for us to write a song, heh
AranElus: and i can jab questions in at how his relationship with carrie is going.
BindiBhagi: heh
AranElus: i actually ran into them when i was with steve at the park two days ago... then steve ran into them again at the pool the next day. they were noticably going out each time.... it wasn't like a coincidence or anythign
AranElus: i mean, it wasn't a coincidence that they were together (al and carrie) those two days...
AranElus: so.. what's been up with you recently?
BindiBhagi: marching band camp
BindiBhagi: today and yesterday
BindiBhagi: Hell with a capital H
AranElus: yeah.. hehe
BindiBhagi: I'd quit if I didn't have so much fun
AranElus: i think i may know what you mean
AranElus: hehe
AranElus: it's good though for me this year because the drums are in the pit for the entire show.. we aren't supposed to march at all.
BindiBhagi: that's no fun
AranElus: we'll just be sitting around in the pit.. hah.. what fun
AranElus: hehe
AranElus: actually.. if the other soph snare drum isn't so good, i might have to play snare...and march
AranElus: we've got a nice drum section solo this year anyhow
BindiBhagi: the fun part is coming off the field after performing the halftime show with sweat dripping down your face and the crowd jumping and cheering for you
AranElus: hah
AranElus: an every day occurance for my band =P
AranElus: no swaet, though
AranElus: just lots of cheers
AranElus: hehe
BindiBhagi: if you aren't sweating then you aren't giving it your all
BindiBhagi: and we give it everything
BindiBhagi: and look damn good while doing it
AranElus: well... some sweat... it depends on the weather
AranElus: hehe
BindiBhagi: oh right...
AranElus: not much sweat this year, though.. sorry to say
BindiBhagi: northerners...
BindiBhagi: bah
AranElus: that is very endearing
AranElus: the "bah" that you use
AranElus: i find it to be endearing
BindiBhagi: heh
BindiBhagi: you guys know nothing about hell
AranElus: so what?
BindiBhagi: by the time I die, I'll be ready for the weather
AranElus: we have our band camp too
AranElus: hehe
BindiBhagi: dinner time
AranElus: i know enough about hell already... i toook a tour last week
BindiBhagi: I'll be back later
AranElus: bye then...
BindiBhagi: bye
BindiBhagi signed off at 6:56:06 PM.

it figures...

echolan@narisma.nu — Fri, 03 Aug 2001 22:43:18 GMT

well, i figure that since ii don't feeling writing about my pitiful existance, i might as well just post some dialogues between me and my friends as to give you a glimpse of what i'm like, although, i don't know why in hell you'd want that...

well, anyway...

MusicLyss321: Hey. Long time, no?
AranElus: yeah...
AranElus: i'm going away tommorrow
AranElus: heh
MusicLyss321: where?
AranElus: to carolina..
MusicLyss321: I'm thinking that by next week I'll have punched Mike in the face
AranElus: one or t'other
MusicLyss321: Mike Lione
AranElus: hehe
MusicLyss321: He just pisses and moans and doesn't try to fix or do anything.
MusicLyss321: argh
MusicLyss321: I hate when people bitch to me.
MusicLyss321: I don't mind it in small doses
AranElus: and i, too
MusicLyss321: but endless shit
MusicLyss321: especially the kind that if you shut up, and just deal, it does go away
AranElus: why do people whine about tings that they can fix?
MusicLyss321: they want sympathy?
AranElus: yes
AranElus: that's always the case
MusicLyss321: I like sympathy
MusicLyss321: haha
AranElus: i enjoy it also
AranElus: everything we do comes down to a fight for sympathy
MusicLyss321: Really?
MusicLyss321: I don't think that
MusicLyss321: Some things I think are driven by love or its opposite, hate
AranElus: sympathy and survival.
MusicLyss321: You know those are the same things
AranElus: love is funny in that it is, by nature, an obssession shared between two people, yet, when it's only one person, it is considered insanity...
MusicLyss321: am I insane, then
AranElus: yes
AranElus: you are one of us.
MusicLyss321: I'm not sure.........just confused for now until I know
MusicLyss321: I've been led to believe that I'm not
AranElus: you never know if your insane or not
MusicLyss321: Am I crazier for believing in what I want?
AranElus: yes
AranElus: the normal is sane, difference is insanity
MusicLyss321: It is normal for people to believe in things that they want
AranElus: it doesn't matter if it's a destructive difference, or a constructive one. It's still insanity all the same
AranElus: people not a person.
MusicLyss321: but if it's constructive insanity, it's called genius
AranElus: it's insanity
MusicLyss321: People are stupid like sheep
MusicLyss321: A person is intelligent and soulful
AranElus: hah.
AranElus: hehe
AranElus: your right..
MusicLyss321: also directly constructive or destructive
MusicLyss321: people is neuter
AranElus: yes
MusicLyss321: a person has a gender
AranElus: a person is human
AranElus: people are stupid
AranElus: hehe
MusicLyss321: people will cause the end of the world
MusicLyss321: a person will fix it
AranElus: hehe
AranElus: if only the mob would die
MusicLyss321: have fun away.
MusicLyss321: I've gotta run
MusicLyss321: ciao
AranElus: cya
MusicLyss321 signed off at 6:39:32 PM.

Update on my sad-sad-sad-sad-sad life.

echolan@narisma.nu — Fri, 03 Aug 2001 02:55:25 GMT

well, over the past long time that i havent posted anything substantial (like any of you would care?) i have done a few things. none of which mean anything yet, but that is yet to be seen in the future of these things.

steve and i teamed up with final clash... he wants to make it three-d so for now i am saying, "what the hell, lets give it a try" and we are trying... i hope it turns out good.

carrie and alex are going out... so to speak. I realized this when i was at the park with steve and they walked in... i had no idea she was there with him, i just saw him, so, anyway, they walked around the park and talked, and we rode around the park. What an odd incidence. and the day after, hales was hanging around with them, and scott, at the pool, and he says that they were hugging for some reason... whatever... i'm happy that they're together, at least.

ugh, i'm bored of writing.. gonna stop and play TA... bye

The Silence Within

echolan@narisma.nu — Fri, 03 Aug 2001 02:47:36 GMT

The silence within screams
wishing it could come out
and run around free;
stealing all my dreams
with it's evil hands
all tainted black
with the hopes of
a thousand souls
that faded from
the pages of
a book
infinitely dull.

You seek my silence
with you tattered probings
and your wasted times
sitting on the shores of
another day other than
the day of golden divans
and all sort of inane rubbish
that we give value
and we give virtue
to things and places
that don't deserve it.

The silence draws a sword of gold
and you slowly see the bold
and daring attempts
that were once made
to hold my sould in contempt
but they were failures
and so will also
be you and your friends
if you mess with my ends.

Predicting the Future

echolan@narisma.nu — Sat, 28 Jul 2001 03:20:59 GMT

It's like thunder down a mountain
ripping the clouds asunder
drowning out the world
and dragging you down under.

It's like lightening frying tommorrow
and breaking your fall
like you can beat the future
like running through a wall

Walk the jagged edge of life
fall off if you are a fool
because the world will shun you
and in the end you amount to drool.

Keep the fourth element
loose yourself in the third
but don't find the second
or you will be a the lunch of a bird.

So you want to fly away
you foolish little wretch
i caught you before tommorrow
could make a great catch.

Throw the bullets in the gun
don't throw them away
because you'll need them later
to hold your friends at bay.

Have you seen the future.
nope, only today.
and when you look toward tommorrow
your brain will decay.

Dukes and kings rule their countries
and have sovereign kingdoms
that they take from the gods of today
with their pitiful vendettas done.

Tommorrow: Follow me

echolan@narisma.nu — Fri, 27 Jul 2001 22:55:35 GMT

Slide yourself
along the line
but don't fall
out of time
and out of space
you thought you knew
into that area
without a clue.

Just dance your way
past tommorrow
and borrow
my future for a while
and waste away
tommorrows sorrow
on today's infinity.

Thirst for the past
and hunger for the present
and then jump aside
and don't let the truck hit you,
and don't let two worlds collide.

Take a detour along
life's pleasures
but don't stray
to far away
from your homeland.

If you find yourself lost
and your brains are tossed
just remember that you are here
and where you want to go is there
and loose yourself in the moment
so you can find your spot in time.

The last step is a trip
down the lanes of yesterday
and to where a steady drip
of tommorrow's tears flow steadiily
waiting for your sip.

The fruit of your labor
must not find the floor;
it is what you savour
when you are lost
and need promises
to guide your last
attempt at perfection,
or when you're gone
and all you have
is a reflection of dawns
that will break another day.

The Bones of the Past

echolan@narisma.nu — Sun, 22 Jul 2001 23:55:52 GMT

He walks along the shore
looking toward tomorrow
and shrouds himself in sorrow.
He blinds the night
that binds his life
and kicks the crutch
that reality took
to ease it's pain.

He collapses the ends
and seals himself
within the infintie bends
of one last torment.
He sighs a sigh
and asks to die
but he's lost his life already.

His tormenters are here
and his sweat flows fast
as the future aquiesces
with a meaningless past.

His screams are heard
and the laughs are loud:
they echo and echo
in the halls of the ultimate bird
that hunts at night
and sleeps all day.
It kills us all
As if we are it's prey.

To stand against him
would be to bring his wrath.
To stand before him
would cloud the path
that is sometimes called life,
but always ends with a fall.

He diverts his eyes
and changes the world
and then he blinks
and he is gone
lost in the imagination
of the next universe.

So you see that if you slip
and then fall
and fall upwards
you will have tommorrow
and forever onwards
trapped within the marrow
of the bones of the past.

if tommorrow were fish, i'd throw it back in. (wow, that was a really messed up sentence, verb-tence-wise...)

echolan@narisma.nu — Fri, 20 Jul 2001 01:50:34 GMT

Today has been a fine day. I went to my hour long drum-lesson that i get tuesdays and thursdays for three weeks (this week is the second) in which i didn't do too well (i'm in one of the hardest books so it's supposee to be rather dificult), but that was balanced out by a relaxing day at home.
Ohh, how i wish i didn't have to go to my aunt's beach house and be with my extended family for two days. I rue those days. I wish them never to come. But i am leaving tomorrow and there's nothing i can do about it. I shall be gone until late sunday, i can't wait till i get home. Well, there's nothing more to say....

g'night and cyalziz.

A simple question

echolan@narisma.nu — Fri, 20 Jul 2001 01:33:07 GMT

My life is meaningless,
my death is apparent
so why then do i obsess
over such things that are
so simply made to be?

I plan and i plan
but my plans fade away:
orderly thoughts decay
and i lapse into chaos
where my mind churns
and an eternal fire burns.

May i ask you a question?
assuming you are stupid
and your mind is liquid
will you ever find the end?
or will you flounder in infinity
until you reach a bend?

Take my question lightly
because we all die after all
and if your going to waste your life,
you shoul have a ball!
Just go out and live
and damn everyone
and maybe you will find
that you don't stand
at the end of the line.

my way or hell

echolan@narisma.nu — Wed, 18 Jul 2001 23:21:42 GMT

would you like to take control
and take the wheel for a while?
would you like to change the rules
and make them fit your style?

Maybe you can get a hint
but my words would fail for sure.
My directions aren't succinct
so don't be surprised when you're lost.

A left to make a right
why don't i make sense?
because you're out of light.
All of your lies made you blind.

There you are, where you are
if you had any life
maybe you could have taken a car
but you got lost on the way.

Why won't i help you out?
well, you're stuck where i can't.
don't even try to shout.
I took your voice already.

Look up high, but don't pray
because i took your God.
Where's Superman to save the day?
It's my way, or hell.

When you take the reigns, you kill the horse.

echolan@narisma.nu — Mon, 16 Jul 2001 03:22:05 GMT

Here's a little philosophical conversation that i had with Eric (BindiBhagi) about religion, and government... i think that it may be found amusing. I think i'm going to try to write up something on my Leto Illness that i have, for tomorrow, but for now, i leave you with this convo to muse over. g'night.

AranElus: oy, how much do i hate religion?
AranElus: i can't stand it
BindiBhagi: it isn't religion
BindiBhagi: it's people
AranElus: what "isn't religion"?
BindiBhagi: it isn't religion that's so bad
BindiBhagi: it's the people who follow it
AranElus: religion makes those people bad, though
AranElus: although they may be already jackasses as it is
BindiBhagi: Christianity was the excellent concept where everyone would live in peace until people staretd warping it to gain more power
AranElus: "concepts"! pah!
AranElus: concepts without acting people are worthless.
BindiBhagi: But it was the people that warped the applications
AranElus: do not develop concepts unless you wish them to be distorted in every possible manner
BindiBhagi: try telling that to a guy who live around 2000 years ago
AranElus: if it isn't done by you, it has failed
AranElus: conceptually speaking
AranElus: concepts die in the hands of the those that don't have them
BindiBhagi: that is not true...
BindiBhagi: The warped concepts have lived on
AranElus: give me examples
BindiBhagi: but only because in the warping of them, people were forced into them
AranElus: the concepts failed
AranElus: the ideals failed
AranElus: and what was left were the bones
BindiBhagi: the original concept of Christianity failed because there was nothing to make people believe it
AranElus: and the bones were twisted by those without concept and ideals
BindiBhagi: so when it was warped to opress people, it became all that people knew and it live on
AranElus: if you pick up the reigns, you destroy the horse
AranElus: that's what happened to good old catholicism
BindiBhagi: The problem is that, in Christianity's case, anyone who could have successfully picked up the reigns would not have wanted to
AranElus: well, they would still have destroyed the horse
BindiBhagi: the best men are almost always the reluctant ones
AranElus: "Power attracts the curruptible"
BindiBhagi: yep
BindiBhagi: and the only way to get the good into position is by forcing them
AranElus: hehe: absolute power currupts those who want it.
AranElus: no matter what, the horse is dead
AranElus: some will throw the corpse away and build their own horse
BindiBhagi: The American Philosophy: If a lot is good, then more is better, and too much is just right
AranElus: other's will take the horses body, and reconstruct it with different innards
AranElus: "The American Philosophy"! pah! damn foolish Americans. I am ashamed of my country!
BindiBhagi: yep...
AranElus: democracy has failed.
AranElus: capitalism is failing
AranElus: look at us
AranElus: we think we are so great
AranElus: our government is for the government
BindiBhagi: Why is it that Bush can't accept that Europe is as much a part of the world as America is?
AranElus: Europe is the f'ing world
BindiBhagi: Now it is because all of them believe that we're all egotistical which is pretty much true
AranElus: we are a bunch of ignorant, egotistical morons who get the chances and throw them away
BindiBhagi: yep!
AranElus: we took the horse, burned it, and then burned the ashes while dancing around the fire.
AranElus: we then put a rabbit in its place
AranElus: and then we took the reigns, with all the carrots in the wagon behind, instead of in front where they can do good